Brutal truths about being 40

We aren’t going to sugar coat this shit show for you people. This is real life. I bought a coffee today from 2 young lads who could easily have been my teenage sons. For the first time, I thought to myself, I wonder what they think when they see me. Do they acknowledge me as a frumpy old ma, an older woman? What category am I now? It makes no difference to me whatsoever what they thought of me as I know I do my best to live my best life and I take as much care as I can of my body. But here are some brutal truths about the realities we are experiencing in our 4th decade. This is being 40.

  • You start becoming as blind as a bat. Reading the ingredients on food labels makes your eyes strain like a bear on the toilet.
  • A moment on the lips = a lifetime on the hips! Those days of wallowing in a bucket of Hagen Daaz are long gone. Your metabolism has just slowed down another 5% so trying to maintain your current weight just got 50% harder!
  • You’re closer to the M word than ever before. You constantly wonder whether this might be the year your body stops producing eggs and shrivels up.
  • You start losing the fight against wrinkles. But hey these are not wrinkles – they are survival lines right?
  • Hot Flashes! From head to toe and even in the roots of your hair ffs!
  • If your parents are still around you become acutely aware of how much longer they might have in them leaving you with an unhealthy obsession with mortality.
  • The epiphany that the buck stops with you always – and nobody can sort out your shit for you.
  • You can not hold in a fart even if your life – or the planet – depended on it.
  • Your brain is starting to feel like the biggest tangle, plagued with misremembering, forgetting words, names and being replaced with a load of mumbo jumbo.
  • Running home to the toilet becomes a regular occurrence as you fear the reality of wetting your knickers as your pelvic floor muscles aren’t what they used to be.
  • The younger generation might consider you a m.i.l.f (if you’re lucky). You may even have been lucky enough to be wolf whistled by a teenager (cringe!).
  • You’re no longer in the 18-35 category so jog on and tick the next box down please.
  • Being called ‘ Aunty’ by people in their thirties. Yup, you’re now the crazy aunt everyone!
  • When you consider work colleagues to be of a similar age but discover they were actually born in 2001 which WASN’T 10 years ago btw…..
  • Realising that you’re making groaning noise that only old people make when you get up from a chair or the floor.
  • When you’re explaining to teenagers about the Spice Girls and they ask ‘are they still alive?’
  • Not ever being asked to show your I.D when purchasing your daily gin.
  • Being so out of date with the lingo of the youth and having to ask what the abbreviation means!
  • You can no longer jump on a trampoline for the fear a bit of wee coming out. So happiness is…erm…NOT jumping on a trampoline!
  • Staying in, not going to the party, not leaving your house – your childhood punishments have now become your adult goals!
  • 9pm is pretty much equivalent to midnight. But hey you are still a rockstar, you whisper to yourself as you hunker down under the covers with your book of choice.
  • You remember the time before mobile phones, the internet and having to go to the library to look something up.
  • Your kids don’t know who Britney Spears is. Ugh! So toxic having to explain to them.

Anything to add to the list? What else do you expect you’ll encounter in your 40s? Get in touch by leaving a comment below or connect with us on Instagram here.

16 thoughts on “Brutal truths about being 40

  • Oh, I was so “afraid” two years ago before my 30th birthday, but it’s not so bad now, actually 😀 This is life, and every age has its positive and negative sides. We should think positively.

    • Aw.. Tha painful slap of reality haha.. I am actually 33 now and i am just few steps closer to that age and yet i already experience the signs of aging.. Those backpains and bone cracks here and there… Those grumpy moments… Those loss of interest to the things you used tk enjoy… Despite this, many people still say that life begins at 40.. So i have to find that out.. For the mean time, i think i need to switch to a healthy lifestyle now

  • okay..okay.. I am well over 40 and I most of these do not apply to me. I refuse…STOMPING FEET… refuse, to feel old. I get out there and just do it. Over 40 people…means we have more wisdom…and the kindness to show it.

  • Ok, I’m 33 and I already feel quite a few of these! I do often wonder what the kids think about me and what they see. I do a lot of work at the elementary school my boys go to so I’m around little kids a lot and have wondered.

    • When I was at school, I NEVER thought about how old the teachers actually were. Looking back they must have been in their early 20s??? But I lumped them all in as ‘grown ups!’ Maybe that’s how we are seen which frightens me as most of the time I don’t feel at all like a ‘grown up!’

    • Change is a good thing. I’m holding out for the positives. I’ll let you know when I think of those bahahahah X

  • LOL hilarious and true. Not all of it applies to me, being a guy, but lots of it still does. I used to be able to eat anything and it wouldn’t effect my weight. Now if I don’t watch what I eat, I get to the point where I can push out my stomach after eating, and it looks like I am pregnant. I started wearing glasses, I am more grumpy, I go to bet at 10:30 regardless if it is the weekends or holidays, because I don’t want it to mess up my schedule. I eat dinner around 5 or 5:30. Uggh.

    • 10:30 – that’s rock and roll Matt! I can’t stay awake past 9:30 most evenings. I even fell asleep when our friends came over! Nothing to do with their company obvs! Dinner at 5 is actually awesome. Living the dream if you ask me hahah!

  • I must say I can truly relate to this. I guess I may not notice that its near that I am going on my 40’s too. Just living out the best of every day especially when this pandemic hit the world.

  • These cracked me up esp. the “Running home to the toilet becomes a regular occurrence as you fear the reality of wetting your knickers” lmao ! .. I’m sure they don’t apply to everyone but these are hilarious

Leave a Reply