Do you find you struggle to speak up and be heard? You try and speak only for someone to interrupt you and finish off your conversation. Do you feel like no one is listening? It feels like your opinions, ideas and thoughts are not important enough. When you feel like no-one is listening to you it can make us feel unvalued, unappreciated, and just damn right fed up. It can affect our self-esteem and our confidence. We scream inside our heads ‘why won’t you let me speak?’ We hear voices in our own head telling us not to bother; it’s not worth it as no-one listens anyway. But it doesn’t have to feel and be this way. All you have to do, is make a few changes and you’ll be amazed the difference that it will make.
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Step 1: Control your thoughts
Be in control of your thoughts; they can either help you or hindebr you. Your thoughts can either empower you or disempower you, encourage you or stop you. Your thoughts can change your life now and for the future. Choose them wisely. When negative thoughts pop in your head; challenge them. Are they true? Really true? Ask yourself is it true or are you just scared of the outcome? Do you fear failure is that why these negative thoughts appear? If so, challenge that thought. Turn each thought around, upside down and inside out until you feel it’s truth. Challenge your thoughts to get the lifestyle that you want.
Be brave, push yourself and the changes can really happen; it’s all in the power of your thoughts. For example, you’re heading to a meeting at work and you want to talk about an idea but your thoughts are; ‘no-one will listen to you’, ‘They will just interrupt me anyway’, ‘it probably won’t work’ and before you know it you decide to not even bother speaking up. What if you changed your thoughts to; ‘I’ll explain all the reasons why this is a good idea’, ‘if they interrupt me, I’ll ask them to let me finish’, ‘this idea is amazing and will make a real positive difference’, ‘go on girl, you can do this’. Can you see the difference on how you will feel when you turn those thoughts around?
Step 2: Be passionate, not emotional
Doesn’t it just make you crazy when someone says this to you ‘you’re being emotional’! Your feelings of frustration get higher and higher, and things just got a hell of lot worse. When this happens its crucial to flip back to Step 1. Control your thoughts. Most of the time we are being passionate about a certain subject only when we feel we are not being listened to does our passion turn to emotional, either upset, frustrations and anger. Let’s not forget that our hormones will certainly be raging at this point when our emotions kick in. When this occurs, tell yourself to stop. Stop speaking, inhale a deep breath of calm and exhale the stress. Reflect and remind yourself why this important and start again. Interrupt the emotion and get back the passion.
Step 3: Call it out
If someone interrupts you; talks over you, shuts you down, call it out. Ask them to kindly let you finish the conversation without being interrupted. Most of the time people don’t realise that they actually do it. If it’s during an argument I think we are all guilty of this from time to time, so just be aware that you don’t interrupt too. Let people speak and then you can challenge them to let you speak too.
Step 4: Listen to understand, don’t listen to respond
Sometimes we react and respond too quickly because we want to get our point across but when we do that our minds are not fully listening to what the other person has actually said. They may have a totally different perspective, but they may not be wrong, and you can respond too quickly before you fully understand the other persons reasoning. Think about the number 6 and 9. If one person is viewing it upside down you can see why they would be adamant that they are right when they believe it’s a number 6 versus the view the other persons sees which is a 9. Again, our changing hormones won’t help us as we can get easily fired up. When we sense this happening, this is when we must tell ourselves to stop. Take that breathe, check your and theirs perspective, and start again.
Step 5: Know that there is always a way
Decide and know what you want, challenge those beliefs that are getting in the way. Trust and believe that there is always a way because seek and you shall always find.
Does happiness feel elusive? Is happiness in your 40s possible? The answer for almost all of us is yes – at least sometimes, maybe often. You might feel like you’ve checked all the boxes but aren’t as happy as you’d hoped, you might wonder how anyone can be happy in the face of difficulty or you might feel like happiness is complicated. You might even wonder whether being happy is really all that important.
Here are four ways from lawyer turned Happiness Coach, Becky Morrison you can look at happiness in your 40s that might be a little bit different than what you were taught.
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Happiness in your 40s is a high value investment
To many people happiness sounds fluffy. Sure they’d like to be happier but they aren’t sure that happiness is – on it’s own – a valuable commodity. What they are missing is that happiness is a cause of success, not a result. There is a significant body of research that supports the notion that experiencing positive emotions – both the momentary experience of happiness and living happy (having on balance more positive emotional experiences than negative ones) – has significant positive impacts on your physical health, your performance and your resilience.
Happier people live longer, have stronger immune systems, are better able to manage pain and generally experience fewer adverse health conditions. In addition, the experience of positive emotions – like happiness – broadens our approach to the world allowing us to think more expansively, solve problems more creatively and build relationships more easily and effectively. It’s not surprising then that the research suggests that happy people earn more, sell more and are more productive. Finally, happiness builds our resilience so that when the tough times comes, we are better able to weather the storm. In short, investing in living happy is one of the highest value investments you can make.
Happiness is not a destination, it’s an action
People often fall into the trap of believing that happiness will arrive as they meet their goals and continue to achieve. But the problem is that an unhappy journey rarely, if ever, results in a happy ending. The key to a happier life is finding happiness in the process. That means looking for – or intentionally incorporating – happiness (and other positive emotions) into your daily life.
To do this, however, you need to know where your happiness comes from – because it’s different for everyone. You can start by making a list of things that bring you positive emotions (like happiness, contentment, gratitude or even engagement). These can be big, small or anything in between. Once you’ve got a list, take one or two of your favorite items and ask yourself: what about this thing makes me happy? Keep asking that question until you’ve distilled it down into that is quick and accessible to you. For example, one of the things that makes me happiest is our annual beach vacations. I can’t escape to the beach from my land-locked home any time I want. But one of the things that enjoy most about the beach is the feel of the sun on my face. That is something that I can seek out any time the sun is shining. Having a list of the most basic sources of positive emotions is a powerful tool because you can deploy them – with intention – anytime you need a reset or an injection of positivity.
Happiness coexists
By any measure it’s been a challenging two years – global pandemic, war, social justice, changing job and home demands that came with working from home, and more. You might be wondering how can we even talk about happiness at times like these? The answer is pretty simple – happiness (and other positive emotions) can coexist with the tough stuff. You can experience happiness even during struggle. And you don’t need to bypass the tough stuff and experience only happiness.
The goal with living happier – and reaping it’s benefits – is to intentionally and authentically experience positive emotion whenever you can NOT to ignore the tough emotions that are a natural part of the human condition.
The next time you’re facing a difficult situation or a tough emotion, don’t fight it. You don’t need to force yourself out of it or through it. And while you are in it you can keep an eye out for the little kernels of positive emotion that might coexist with it – the friendly face, the helping hand, even the sunlight. Those positive kernels don’t need to outweigh or overcome the challenges, they just need to be included in the conversation. The key is to notice it all and savor the good where you can find it, even nestled in with the challenges.
Happiness in your 40s can be simple
Happiness doesn’t require radically changing your circumstances. In fact, the research suggests that more than anything your happiness is dependent on your thoughts and actions – something over which you can exercise at least a modicum of control. While you can take steps to make big changes in your life to yield a greater level of happiness those big steps are best made from a happier place so that you are architecting your happiness, rather than simply trying to escape your unhappiness. That happier place is built through your daily behaviors.
If you want to be happier starting today try this simple exercise: each day, record what made you smile. How you record this information isn’t particularly important, what made you smile doesn’t matter. What matters is that you had a positive emotional experience AND you noticed it. Because remember just the experience of a positive emotion broadens your perspective and builds your resilience. This is just one example of how simple it can really be to inject more happiness into your daily life.
Bottom line: Making a high value investment in your happiness can meaningfully benefit your health, success, and resilience. It simply requires intentional action (not radical transformation) which can happen even during challenging times and doesn’t need to be complicated.
Rebecca Morrison is a lawyer turned Happiness Coach and author of the best-selling book The Happiness Recipe: a Powerful Guide to Living What Matters. Becky works with successful but unsatisfied high-achievers to help them find their unique happiness recipe so they can live happier, lead happier and build happy businesses.
They say life begins at 40 and that the last 39 years have just been a practice, which means that no it’s not too late to start – or keep – investing in yourself or thinking about fulfilling your ambitions. In fact, your 40s are the perfect time to start or keep investing in yourself as you lay the path for a second half of your life which is rich, varied and full of the good stuff.
But what are some ways you can start of keep investing in yourself in your 40s?
We recently heard about emberly, a new online platform which helps people to develop professionally, personally and socially. The site has been designed to help people ignite their inner spark, find their passion in life and to try things they’ve never tried before, including the weird and the wonderful. When we heard about it, we thought it was perfect for our 40 Now What readers and we wanted to know more…
All the courses are split into four categories ‘Energise’, ‘Create’, ‘Grow’ and ‘Relax’ and include everything from ballet and hip-hop dance classes to wild art journaling, yoga and even pasta and focaccia making! It’s all online, so it’s flexible and you can do the courses solo, or, if you want to create some special (or perhaps hilarious) memories, grab a loved one, friend or family member.
emberly is aimed at anyone who wants to learn and grow so you may want to master the art of public speaking, gain a plethora of interesting topics to talk about at the next dinner party, wow friends with a new skill, or learn the best party trick in town, there is something for everyone.
To celebrate the launch of this incredible new platform, the site’s founder, Hiba Binz, has pulled together for us, her own top tips on how to keep investing in yourself in your 40s. So without further ado here are some ways to keep investing in yourself in your 40s:
40 ways to keep investing in yourself in your 40s
1. Spend time with friends and family – enjoy spending quality time with people you love and never underestimate the importance of that
2. Meet with people who inspire you – you never know where life can lead, if you are inspired, anything can happen
3. Learn more about a topic of interest– apply yourself to something that you enjoy but haven’t given much time to before
4. Learn more about a topic that’s of interest to someone else – to be interesting you have to be interested and one of the best ways to invest in yourself is to never stop learning and growing
5. Try something you’ve never done before – try to avoid thinking ‘I can’t’ or ‘I don’t’, it can be easy to create your own boundaries as you get older but aim to see things with fresh eyes and a fresh approach
6. Try things that are out of your comfort zone – don’t set your own limitations, it’s like they say, “How do you know if you never try…”
7. Attend community events, talks or networking events – meet likeminded people, meet new people and enjoy a new experience
9. Take a course – there are so many different ways to learn nowadays so take a new course whether it’s to benefit you professionally, personally or socially – there will be a benefit!
10. Start a new hobby – children growing up go to all sorts of extra-curricular activities; ballet, music lessons, horse-riding, Brownies, why shouldn’t 40-year-olds?!
11. Spend time doing what you enjoy – it’s definitely easier said than done but see what you can streamline to gain a bit of time back – even 5 minutes saved here and there, can give you a 30 minute chunk of time to spend doing something you love
12. Set time aside for YOU every day/week/month – if you can’t make ‘you time’ every day, then aim for once a week, or even once a month and if you can make it part of your routine – even better
13. Listen to an inspiring podcast and discuss what you learned with someone else – teaching others helps to embed the information into our owns minds, so you’ll get extra benefits from telling a friend
14. Tackle nagging tasks – sometimes the time we spend thinking about these things is far greater than the time spent on the task itself, you’ll feel better once it’s done
15. Take time to recharge and relax – whether that’s 10 mins of meditation, a bath or a spa break, you choose. It could even be listening to your favourite song through your headphones
16. Create memorable moments with loved ones – put the phones and screens down and create moments you can share together, enjoying each other’s company
17. Create a ‘you’ fund setting aside money to spend purely on your growth – we spend money every day on all sorts of things, but have you considered spending a certain amount on investing in yourself?
18. Find a growth buddy – it’s easier in pairs – you can hold each other accountable for your goals but even more importantly you can enjoy it and have fun together
19. Be open minded to new ideas and experiences – the only thing that’s constant is change so if you can be accepting of that, you’re already ahead of the game
20. Travel to new places even if it’s just a part of your city you’ve never seen before – you don’t have to go on a long-haul flight, you’ll be amazed at how many incredible things there are right on our doorstep
21. Do something you used to love doing as a child – is there a skill, a game or a hobby you used to love but have long forgotten about? Why not give it a try again just for fun? Skip down the road, read a children’s book, wear a sparkly necklace…
22. Meet with likeminded people to discuss a topic, perhaps a book club – it’s a fantastic opportunity to have a voice and an opinion and to express that with others. It’s a great way to build confidence especially if you’re not used to speaking in front of others
23. Express your creativity – even if you don’t think of yourself as ‘creative’. This can be anything from singing along to some of your favourite songs, dancing in your living room, writing in a journal or cooking something with extra flair
24. Do something to improve your professional skills – 40 is a great time to reflect on the skills you have, the skills you would like to have and the areas you could improve in
25. Save for the future – this is a practical tip, but it will also give you peace of mind, which is very beneficial for your mental health
26. Find a mentor or business coach – work with a professional when you can afford it. Warning: you may become incredibly motivated and productive…
27. Take care of your physical health – stay active. Integrate the things that don’t feel like an exercise to you: dance, hike etc. Prioritise mobility
28. Say no, decline when you need to – don’t feel the need to please everyone
29. Unsubscribe and declutter everything!- get rid of what you don’t need, keep only what you love or things that are useful
30. Take care of your emotional wellbeing – look after yourself like you would look after someone you love. If there is a negative voice in your head, ask yourself, ‘Would I say that to my best friend?’, if the answer is ‘No’, don’t say it to yourself
31. Spend time with people from different generations. It’s amazing what you can learn from them all. Ask questions, listen deeply
32. Prioritise your energy into the right places – to help you, you could list anything that brings negativity into your life and feelings of anger or guilt and then list things that bring you happiness. See what practical changes you can make to reduce your list of negativity
33. Spend time in nature – nature has lots to teach us and it’s definitely good for the soul
34. Set financial goals – save, spend wisely, invest – the best way to do this is to take control of your finances with a finance plan. Find out your disposable income by listing all your outgoings – bills and regular payments, take that from your incoming amount, then you can make a plan with the money you have at your disposal
35 Take on a big challenge- i.e., a run, a performance of some kind or the organisation of an event (even better if it’s for charity)
36. Learn something new – but focus on the journey and detach from the outcome
37. Pick up a mindfulness practice- choose something that works for you such as Qigong, yoga, tai chi, meditation
38. Harness the power of your voice- this could be through a voice coach or through vocal lessons or it could be speaking in public
39. Do the things that make you forget to scroll – keep a book or several handy and on the go
40. Prioritise sleep – the benefits of sleep are endless, and now is the time to reap them
If you give any of these tips for investing in yourself in your 40s or have some of your own wisdom to share do let us know in the comments below!
Explore your passions with emberly’s variety of inspiring online courses. Energise, create, grow and relax with a monthly membership and unlimited access, or purchase a single course on-demand and find what makes you glow. Visitemberly.co.uk and follow emberly on Instagram @emberlylearn, Twitter @emberlylearn and Facebook @emberlylearn.
