How to feel sexy in your 40s – yes it’s possible!

Are you wondering if is possible to feel sexy in your 40s?

As I journey more into my 40’s and look at was to feel good I have found that no matter what I try the common denominator is ME. It is up to me to feel good in myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin and to start feeling sexy again. No amount of reading self help books or courses are going to change how I feel unless I change the way I think about myself. As Mel Robbins say “No one is coming to save you, no one “so ultimately it is up to us to feel sexy again not any partner, husband, or wife it is up to us and us alone. Feeling sexy is far more than how we feel in the bedroom it’s about confidence in how we look and feel about ourselves. It is about knowing we are attractive, beautiful and capable through our own eyes; it is self-love at its best.

Accept, like, love are the steps I use when helping women to feel good about their body and start to see themselves as sexy. Acceptance can be the biggest barrier to self-love.

Accepting where you are now, longing for the body we had in our 20’s is pointless as it will never be that way again. Looking to the past will never helps us feel good in the present moment so embrace the body you have now. Accepting your body doesn’t mean giving up it is a starting point to where you want to go and how you want to feel.

Sexy is a feeling

The sexy feeling you once had is pivotal to getting your sexy back.

I want you to think back to a time when you felt absolutely super-hot sexy . Close your eyes and let the image come to the front of your mind. Then go through these questions

  • What are you wearing?
  • Where are you?
  • Who are you with?
  • What are the smells?
  • How does it feel in your body?

Now open your eyes and check in with yourself, how do you feel in this present moment, what’s happening in your body ? How do you feel? Has the feeling stayed in with you?

Our mind works in images and the image creates a feeling so when we recall the memory or image of when you felt sexy it is possible to get the  same feeling back. This technique can be used when you want to feel good about yourself or want to get that sexy feeling back.

feel sexy in your 40s

What you can do to feel sexy in your 40s

To help you start on your sexy back journey here are some scientifically and not so scientific  methods that can help you.

Get fitted for a new bra

Having your breasts all nicely supported helps you stand taller, and your clothes sit better. Buy bras in lace and cool different colours to help with the sexiness factor.


To realease the endorphins and to remind you how amazing your body is .

Give someone a complement

What you give out you will receive back doubled. Making others feel good helps you feel good. Also practice receiving a complement don’t brush it of, just say THANK YOU !


When you smile it is impossible not to feel good – try it. Try smiling at yourself in the mirror for the ultimate feel-good factor.

feel sexy in your 40s

Stop the self-sabotage

Remember you have the power to change your thoughts so when those negative self-sabotaging thoughts or patterns creep in, catch them and change the thought.

Bring back the fun

Try to bring in some laughter and fun into your life, we can sometimes forget that we need fun in our life and take everything so seriously. This can work well if you feel self-conscious around your partner, break the ice with a joke, laughter can help you both relax.


As I said thinking back to a time when you felt sexy or creating an image of being sexy and attractive can really help bring about those feelings. Bring in all your senses to create the image in your sun-conscious mind.

Create you own sexy affirmations

I am a big believer in affirmations but sometimes we can think in negative affirmations such as “I am not attractive, no one loves me. Saying this will never get us anywhere so you need to change it to something positive and in the present tense approve of myself I  am willing to accept love I deserve love”


Looking to yourself for pleasure is the ultimate form of self-love and can boost your self-esteem. So, get to it embrace your own body for those sexy feelings of pleasure. If it been a while or you are new to pleasing yourself reading erotic novels and taking a visit to Ann Summers is certainly a way to start.

Not everyone feels sexy all the time, life and being a woman in your 40s in general can see to that but remember you are not on your own. If you are trying to get your sexy back and feel sexy in your 40s believe me there are many other women trying to do the same so go easy on yourself, Don’t forget to let the fun into your life and remember thoughts are just thoughts and a thought can be changed.  

Sarah Lyons is an image consultant, body confidence and wellbeing coach for women, she helps women all over the country look and feel-good inside and out. Find out more at and follow her on Instagram @sarahlyonscoaching & @wellstyled_by_sarah.

Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi and Matthias Cooper via Pexels

The blight of bingo wings

Bingo wings. Yes we have laughed at old ladies, screaming 88 as their underarms wobble at the excitement at shouting bingo for decades! However, bingo wings are not as funny when they are happening on an arm near you.

One minute, you are minding your own slowly ageing business, as your muscles lose their tone and your skin loses its mojo…and the next, you are wondering – my God! How did those bingo wings get there?

Flappy arm muscles a-go-go

I am certain EVERYBODY over 40 ends up with bingo wings and I’m now convinced myself this is a mean side effect of being in your 4th decade along with all the other things that mother nature starts bestowing on you like saggy boobs, wrinkly tummies and fart-filled bottoms. But when did flappy arms muscle work their way into their equation?

We were only just getting used to bum wiggle, and the boob wiggle when all we are doing is merely brushing our teeth but now we have to deal with bingo arm wiggle too!

Banishing bingo arms? – bah!

But here’s the real annoyance. Not only have I discovered that no matter how furiously I inflict bingo wing exercises on my traitor arms following an army of idiots on You Tube who tell me THIS WILL BANISH YOUR BINGO WINGS FOREVER (yeah right!) that not only is there extreme wobbly business happening, but my underarm skin now has an incredible propensity to stretch way beyond what should be physically normal – akin to the sort of thing you’d find only on a trending TikTok effect.

Time to embrace?

The thing is, I know that bingo wings are just another part of my body, still, the double chubble makes me feel uneasy at their sight. The little voice in my head which subscribes to the body confidence movement says, embrace them! Why not let your bingo wings take flight and let them carry you through the window towards the dazzling light of your 4th decade?!

Or perhaps we can try another tactic which is: if 40 is the new 30, then denial is the new acceptance?

Body faciasm at its best

But the truth comes down to this: There no end to the physical mockery we keep being dealt in this game of weird body changes. And as much as I desperately want to reject the tyranny of bingo wings and raise my arms high and proud like a raver in the place then stick two fingers in the face of perfectionism, somehow my inner dialogue is cruelly supporting this body-fascism. I didn’t sign up for it, it’s just the way my monkey mind has been conditioned which tells me my bingo wings flapping in the sun is not a good look.

Ultimately, deep down I live in fear of the next part of my body misbehaving which it undeniably will do, and that it is secretly – or not so secretly – signifying the beginning of the end.

Do you suffer from bingo wings? Have they got worse since you hit 40? And please, does anyone know a way of getting rid of them that doesn’t involve frantically pumping your poor arms up and down a thousand times a day (sounds like a recipe for RSI if ever I heard one if you ask me!) which quite frankly nobody has the time for anyway.

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Photo by Trevin Rudy on Unsplash, Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash, Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels