Remember when we thought we would have it all nailed in our forties? Remember when we walked into the kitchen and actually remembered what we walked into the kitchen for; and didn’t have to walk out and back in again seventy billion times to remember that all we wanted was just a cup of coffee? Feeling perimenopausal and wondering what has become of your life?
The advent of peri-menopause seems to come at the hardest time of our lives – often as we’re navigating children getting older but somehow needing us more. It’s a time when some of us are thinking of running our own business and then BANG here comes the brain fog, the anxiety, the overwhelm and all of the rage.
So what can we do about it?
Well we can try and rock in a corner, but then someone will probably ask us what’s for tea and whether we can give them a lift to their mates round the corner…
So we have no choice but to crack on and just push forward, even if we’re feeling perimenopausal, right?
You have a choice
Well we do have a choice if we’re feeling perimenopausal. We have a choice to make every day and it comes down to mindset (and in my case a sh!t load of HRT).
Navigating the murky world of feeling perimenopausal, and everything it entails, can become a daily battle and our best asset to learning to swim in the channel is to train our brains, take back control and work really blinking hard to master our mindset.
The key to mastering your mindset when you’re feeling perimenopausal, to rewiring the main frame, is practice and commitment. That’s the key. If we simply think about it, there’s no benefit. We have to act on it. We have to take action. And there is only one person that can do it. It’s the same person who takes all the laundry up the stairs rather than simply stretching across it… That’s right, it’s you. It’s me. It’s the mental mum rocking in the corner still wishing the bloody fairy would turn up with her magic wand and just do something for her.
Our mindset is the key to the door. It is the magic wand (in the absence of a housekeeper, cook and chauffeur). If we can manage and master our mindset then we take back control, and we can stem (some) of the overwhelm, fear and rage that is often part of the Peri-Menopause Party happening in our head.
The first step is simply self-awareness. How often do you get up in the morning and check in with how you’re feeling, what your mood is and how you’re going to approach the day? How often do you give yourself that crucial five minutes in the morning that can then impact your mood for the rest of the day?
As you’re waking up and slurping on that vat-load of coffee each morning, ask yourself how you are feeling; and then here’s the magic, ask yourself how that is going to impact your day and what your triggers are going to be.
So if you’re feeling perimenopausal and knackered, and you acknowledge that you’re more tired than anyone who grew up watching Nightmare on Elm Street, you can understand that you are potentially going to be triggered, and therefore should pause and step away before you totally blow a gasket. (Although I’m not sure Mother Theresa would remain calm during a morning routine school run with a teenager.)
There’s power in choosing your mood, and not letting it choose you when you’re feeling perimenopausal. In the Manchester Mindset I don’t advocate all of the positive affirmation and some high fiving of the mirror to get the day started. I advocate a much more realistic approach. Understand how you are feeling, understand how you are going to react given your mood and pop in a moment to pause.
The power of the pause is the best thing we can gift ourselves (well other than a week on a beach in Thailand with Tom Hardy). By stopping, by pausing and by giving ourselves a chance to process, we stand a better chance of managing our mood and our reactions and triggers.
Our brains have something called the default mode network – it’s where all of our experiences are processed, and it only comes into play when we are in active rest.
Science is very clear on the amount of rest we need: it’s 42 per cent. That’s the percentage of time your body and brain need you to spend resting. And that is about 10 hours out of every 24. Yep – none of that ‘I only need four hours’ sleep malarkey’.
Ladies, we need to be in a state of rest for 10 hours out of 24 so that we can function and fly. It’s simple; if you consistently don’t take the 42 per cent, the 42 per cent will take you. It will sneak up on you, it will hunt you down and it will pull you under – so give yourself some time back to pause, to process, to rest.
Third, and finally, there is power in a good routine and a plan. There is freedom in routine and rituals, particularly when you’re feeling perimenopausal.
Find yourself a routine in the morning and stick to it – no I don’t mean get up at 5am for a HIIT workout. I mean get yourself a cup of coffee in peace before the shouting begins. A big benefit of a routine is that it signals to the brain that it’s an automatic response, which means the brain then has increased mental resources for other tasks. Eliminating the need to constantly make decisions about a particular set of activities reduces “cognitive load”.
Creating predictability reduces stress, which in turn can give your brain more energy to concentrate on other tasks.
In a nutshell, once you decide to do something, it frees up your brain power and you get more sh!t done. Find your routine and you will give yourself some headspace – which is what we all crave during these bonkers years.
So here’s your checklist to navigate the perimenopause:
- Check in with yourself,
- Check in with your triggers
- Gift yourself the power of the pause
- Rest, find a routine and repeat
- Drink the coffee
Oh – and have a bloody good shout and a swear when you need to. Because let’s face it, we’re perfectly imperfect.
Sarah Knight, founder of Mind The Gap Academy, for consideration for any profiling slots and any features surrounding motherhood and mindset. Sarah is full of practical tips about how to rewire the brain, establish new habits and shift mindset, as well as juggle the menopause, being a mum and running a business.
With over 20 years experience in business, Sarah specialises in providing tailored training and coaching programmes to individuals and organisations through her academy, Mind the Gap, to help them mind the gap between running a business, managing a business and staying sane!
Sarah Knight is founder of Mind The Gap Academy. She specialising in providing tailored training and coaching programmes to individuals and organisations through her academy, Mind the Gap, to help them mind rewire the brain, establish new habits and shift mindset. You can follow Sarah at www.instagram.com/mindthegap.academy and learn more about Sarah’s latest online courses by heading to www.mindthegap.academy.