Everything going wrong? How to bitch slap those clusterfuck days

Clusterfuck – otherwise known as a complex and utterly disordered and mismanaged situation, a muddled mess of everything going wrong, which lets face it, the last two years have been without a doubt. But that’s on the macro level. We can kind of handle that because everyone is going through the same clusterfuck of everything going wrong together. The worst type of clusterfuck in my view is when you are going through your own personal clusterfuck of everything going wrong on a micro level, one that is totally personal to you.

Let me paint a picture

….of one of my recent clusterfuck days. I had just booked a holiday to Cape Verde having vowed to not try and travel overseas until the pantomime was over. Within 24 hrs I had to cancel it and was feverishly trying to rebook a holiday to Turkey. OK so totally my own doing there.

I had a firm word with myself and tried to move on. Then sat down and realised I had been locked out (yet again!) of the back end (no not that kind of back end people!) of my bread and butter website Motherhood: The Real Deal as I sat down to try and earn my keep and pay.

But don’t worry because I was soon distracted by the fact my period had come a week two early which meant my mammogram and MRI appointments for my high risk breast cancer screening then had to be rescheduled for some date we couldn’t even bank on because we had no idea if my next period would scupper things once again.

This was against the backdrop of a family ding dong where a family member who shall not be named had labelled me as selfish for wanting to go away against all odds in light of my recent BRCA1 positive status and wanting to live my life to the fullest and a barrage of communications which quite frankly I could have done without.

Definitely not clusterfuck enough yet

My darling four month pup then decided – as she proceeded to dig up a collosal mud pit in our back garden and breakdance the residue all around the kitchen and living room – sofas and all. While I tried to clean the fall out from her kerfuffle up, she chased the mop like a pup possessed making me feel increasingly hot, bothered and hateful by the minute.

Having waited around all day for a doctor that never bothered to call me back about my recent genetic testing debacle, I could feel my annoyance with the world levels reaching breaking point. WHY IS NOTHING EVER STRAIGHT FORWARD? I moaned to my long suffering 40 Now What partner Katie. “Well, my love, because it isn’t”, she wearily replied.

By the time 5pm rolled around, the dinner I had planned on making was a day out of date when I pulled it out the fridge and stunk to fishy high heaven. I called my other long suffering partner Mr C and desperately enquired if he would be coming home soon so I could go for a run before I killed someone with the fall out from my clusterfuckish day. Thank god I did, otherwise I might have been writing this from the confines of a prison cell.

Needless to say I ran every single little bit of clusterfuck out of every cell of my being like I was channelling my inner Usain Bolt.

everything going wrong

Everything is going wrong…so what next?

Clusterfuck days are absolutely the worse. We all have them, we all survive them and live to tell the tale, and go to bed early grateful that the day is finally done and tomorrow will be a new, less clusterfucky (hopefully!) day. We all have our own way of managing them (mine is usually to run faster than my little legs will take me), but in case you need some help in managing your next clusterfuck day, we asked Sam Evans – one of our favourite coaches at 40 Now What – to share their tips to help us with future clusterfuckery:

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You wake up, like every other day. You set your intentions the night before, you mapped out your week, and you say to yourself, I FREAKIN’ GOT THIS! So, you roll out of bed, drink your first of many coffees of the day, and something happens that causes you to feel, “it’s not going to be a good day!”

It could be an abrupt email popping up in your inbox, or your hot drink getting cold before you had a chance of drinking of it, and the constant screaming of “MUM” first thing in the morning, turns an entire day into one clusterfuck of a day as if the day has been totally ruined leaving you feeling drained and exhausted before the day has even begun.

Now more than ever, this is a recurring pattern I see with many women I work with. Instead of taking inspired action or achieving their desired goals, there would always be something at cause to create this feeling as if nothing is meant to be. “It’s the kids fault! It’s the kettles’ fault! Everyone drives me insane!”  With so many triggered events, how can one ever see the joy, when the emotions are so sky high? It’s as if its everyone else’s fault that your day is a complete wreck when really, it’s something a lot deeper.

By having many clusterfuck days, it can be difficult to imagine a good day as our minds have memorised a significant patterned way of thinking, feeling and behaving caused by the need to get everything done.  We live in a time where everything is so fast paced, that we wake up with this feeling of urgency. It’s as if everything has to be done instantly and if it doesn’t go to plan, then we assume that everything else will go wrong. Just by even having that thought alone, sets the tone for the day, because you have already defined the day before it’s even happened.

When we are faced with such urgency, we face more problems in the outside world with what feels as if the world is against us when really, it’s a clear sign to slow down and pay attention to what really is bothering you and most importantly what to do when we are faced with such days.

Top tips for taking back control when everything is going wrong

Set your intentions in your mind the night before

By imagining and feeling what you want the day to be like, actually programmes your mind to assume that your day, is going to be exactly how you imagined it to be.  So think good thoughts as the mind will begin to create the feelings of joy for the following day.

Rise at a time you want to

That first hour in the morning just for yourself is such a magnificent feeling that you literally feel as if you can take on the world.  If you are not a 5am person, then don’t force yourself to be, rise at a time that you feel happy to wake up to, without peer pressure of what everyone else is doing.

Avoid the phone

I know. This can be difficult. But your phone isn’t going anywhere.  That email or message can wait. You are important and you cannot serve in the first 30-45 minutes of your day when you haven’t even given yourself permission to be, especially as in the first ten minutes of waking up you are tapped into your subconscious programming.  You put you first and do something that makes you happy, even if it’s drinking your first cuppa.

Positive morning routine

Journal first thing.  Honestly, our minds as women are full of ideas and things to do, and one of the calmest things to do. Journal everything out of your head, instead of imaginary lists in your mind.

everything going wrong

Address your emotions

Not every day is going to be perfect. You could wake up late, miss the alarm, or feel flustered.  Instead of allowing this to happen, give yourself permission to wake up late. By addressing how you feel is better than forcing yourself to be miss positive polly pants, because that emotion is there for a reason. Address it, accept it, and let it go.

Listen to your body

Sometimes we experience things like aches and pains, as if the body is telling us don’t move, just chill.  If you ever experience this, then listen to your body. Its ok to chill and watch Netflix; it’s ok to take a break and have a me day. Your body knows best so listen. 

Pause and reflect

If things feel like they are spiralling out of control, instead of forcing yourself to make things happen, just pause and reflect on your feelings.  Your mind and body are always communicating with you so listen with kindness to yourself on where you are now, without the need of more chaos projecting in your outer world.

Get in flow with a polarity test

This process is an effective way for a person who is experiencing negative attitudes and self-sabotaging behaviours, such as feelings of irritability, waking up in a bad mood, negative self-talk, and even procrastination.  To allow yourself to move from self-sabotage to a positive state, the following will allow your physical body to respond and have that instant shift:

  • Using your two right fingers, rub the soft spot in between your armpit and boob on the left side, while focusing on the issue that is causing you to feel negativity. Whilst holding on this spot, inhale deeply, and exhale with two breaths – first short second longer. Repeat this three times.
  • After, use the two same right fingers, and gently place them under the nose.  Whilst holding this spot, set the intentions for the day and inhale deeply, and exhale two breaths – first short second longer. Repeat this three times.
  • Finally, tap the side of left hand on the outside by the little finger reconfirming the following positive affirmations – “I am calm, I am content, and I am in control.” Repeat them until you feel they have integrated.

You can do this as many times in the day as you like, and I would definitely recommend doing this every day first thing.

Remember, when it everything is going wrong and itmin feels as if the world is against you, it’s a clear indication that you need time for you. You are so important on this earth and the only way you can serve others and have the most productive day, is if you put you first.

So if you’re having one of those days when everything is going wrong, take a deep breath and remember the above! Have you had a clusterfuck day recently? Why not get things off your chest with a comment below or by joining in with our community on Instagram here.

Photo by Liza Summer, energepic.com, cottonbro from Pexels

Top tips for dating in your 40s

Have you recently come out of a long term relationship? If you are over forty then you might be nervous and apprehensive about returning to the dating world. Here are some tips that can make things far easier for you while you’re dating in your 40s.

To Filter Or Not To Filter

dating in your 40s

The most common way to date these days is through dating apps. This idea brings an important question. What type of photos should you add to your profile? Some people swear by filters and touch ups while others see them as dishonest. Well, this is always going to be a personal preference. The truth is there’s nothing wrong with filters as long as they don’t completely alter the way you look. If you do this then you might get the first date but there may not be a second. It’s better to be honest about who you are. This is important when listing your age too. Tempting though it may be, you shouldn’t list a younger age. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of people out there looking for older men or women. 

Find The Right App 

Next, you should make sure that you are finding the right app that is going to provide the best benefits that you need. You might think that there are only a couple of apps, but this isn’t true. There are various apps worth exploring and even more websites. If you want to ensure that you get the best experience it’s great to explore as many as possible. Apps that you should stay away from are ones where you need to pay per message. These will almost always be a scam. Make sure that you check reviews for any site or app that you are thinking about exploring. 

Be Smart

dating in your 40s

You do need to be smart when you are planning your dates. For instance, you should make sure that you are meeting people in a place that you know and feel comfortable. It’s also advised that you do ensure that you video call first. That way you can guarantee that you do know who you are meeting and avoid the catfish. 

Remember, there’s no harm in going on as many dates as you like to find the right match. But you should get tested using a professional medical centre every time you  have a new partner. 

Don’t Fear Rejection

Finally, it’s important to understand that you will experience rejection in the new world of dating in your 40s. It’s a given and if you are a woman that’s because men swipe right 80% of the time. However, this doesn’t mean that they will always be interested in having a conversation or moving towards a date. Don’t be disheartened, move on to the next match. It’s always going to be their loss, not yours. 

We hope this helps you understand some of the key steps that you should take if you are returning to the dating world at 40. The good news is that there’s plenty of people doing this these days that are back on the playing field at a later stage in life.

Are you dating in your 40s at the moment? How’s it going? Comment below, we’d love to hear from you.