You know that moment when you start your period, and you think to yourself…oh my god, this explains so much! The week before your period can be a freakish time. While nothing is more offensive than someone asking us if we’re about to come on our period, the reality is, the week before our period can make us feel and seem totally psychotic.
My last run up to my period was a perfect case in point. Complete Nutters R Us, let me tell you. If I was in sync with any of my girlfriends we probably would have been incacerated so dangerous would we have been. Just think, if it were all the women of the world it would easily just become known as The Apocolypse. But now that I am through it, I can look back at giggle at some of the crazy things that happen the week before your period. Just don’t make any period jokes while I’m on it. Period.
So without furtherado, down below is a quick reference to some of the crazy things that happen the week before your period
As if our uterus was on track to shed all the food we shovel into our mouths, our sole raison raison d’etre for the week before our period seems to become a game of how much junk you can binge eat in said period of time. After which we then only stop to cry about the fact we just did so.
Raging murderous fury
Excuse us for being so hateful and foul, and a second away from a PMS-induced fit of anger like we have been posessed by some indescribable lunacy, it’s just that our bodies are ripping down our uterus walls and now we want to kill anyone in ourlife that merely looks our way.
Complete hatred for humankind
Well if it wasn’t bad enough having to deal with the people we actually like, we had to deal with the everyone else which means we have to resist the urge to want to punch everyone that crosses our path in the throat for an entire week!
Complete loss of any sense of humour
Humour? What bloody humour? And no being a walking PMS cliche is NOT FUNNY. Stop freaking patronising me!!
Extreme cack handedness
Dropping oven trays on the floor, your toothbrush doing acrobatics out of your hand and landing into the toilet bowl FFS (cue me bending over the toilet with a fricking ladel to try and rescue it), tripping over thin air, knocking water all over your phone and a million other ways you’ll find to be as a big old bumbling bear.
Mind boggling vivid dreams
Every night before your period you wake from your sleep needing a whole other sleep because you’ve been resurrecting The Matrix/ hosting Inception/ playing The Fugitive in your dreams.
Inability to curb your use of the f word
F-this, F-you, F-everyone, F-it, just F this effing s***, you can all F off!
Insaitable sexual appetite
You are as horny as an old goat. Only problem is you are unlikely to get some because who is going to want to do it with the boob-aching, sweaty, raging banshee you have become the week before your period. Oh the irony!
And then thank the Lord! Your period comes and your emotional, hell-inducing rollercoaster is finally over, and all is well with the world again…..until next time.
Which of the above gets your the most the week before your period and what else would you add to this list? Let it all out sistas and join our community over on Instagram here for more women’s talk.