How to feel body confident in the bedroom in your 40s

Remember wayyyy back when you would have happily swung from a chandelier naked in the bedroom? Fast forward on twenty years, and although women may feel more sexually confident in the bedroom in their 40s, most of us probably wish we had the body of our younger selves to go along with that. That said, feeling comfortable in your body and being body confident is in itself incredibly sexy, so how do accept the changes in our body and get down with our bad selves? Here, Sarah Lyons – image consultant, body confidence and wellbeing coach for women – spills the beans on how to look and feel like a body confident minx in your fourth decade:


As we age our bodies change and that is totally natural, however this can sometimes lead us to feel that we are unattractive sexually. Aging, pregnancy, weight loss, weight gain and our past relationships all have an impact on how we feel about our bodies. 

When we look at our changing bodies, we can feel disappointment or even disgust at the wrinkles, saggy breasts, stretch marks or wobbly tummies and to be honest it’s normal to have these feelings. But they must be recognized for what they are: grief, a loss and aging. Once we recognize this it can made it much easier to feel confident and comfortable in ourselves.

Being confident in ourselves is an inside job

Acceptance of the body we have now, is a great place to start building your body confidence. If we keep comparing ourselves to the past, we will never be happy let alone body confident in the bedroom.

Remember that “loving your body isn’t thinking your body looks good it’s knowing your body is good regardless of how it looks” – Dr Lindsay Kite

Once we start to feel good and start to value ourselves, confidence in all areas including the bedroom will flourish. I wish I had a magic wand that could give every woman a magic bullet to feel body confident in the bedroom but unfortunately, it’s all about the work you do on yourself. Below are some helpful tips you can start doing to help you feel more body confident in the bedroom.

Start with self-compassion

When building body confidence, show yourself the same love and kindness you would your best friend. This can start by looking at yourself in the mirror with a loving eye, not a critical one. Look at the positives and get to know your own body. Get to know your own body. I am always astonished at the number of women that don’t look at themselves in the mirror. It’s your body, get to know it!

Our words are so powerful

What we say to and about our bodies can have a massive impact on our body image. Try saying nice things to yourself. If we are constantly saying negative things to ourselves, we will never start to feel good.  

Remember you are not the only one that is feeling insecure

If you’re with a partner for a long time they could be feeling the same way! They may be thinking that you might not find them attractive so check in with each other. Communication is key. It may be an awkward conversion to start but you will be glad you talked.

Be grateful for your body

It’s the reason you’re here. It is your physical home during his lifetime. You are reading this because of your body, your breathing because of your body. Saying thank you can lead to untold body confidence and help you feel more body confident in the bedroom.

Don’t compare yourself to women you see in the media

Just because your body looks different, which every BODY does, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve pleasure. 

Find out what you like now

Our desires and how we like to be touched can change over time so don’t be afraid to explore new things or say no to things that you liked in the past. 

Try some mindfulness

We are often trapped inside our heads and wondering how we look to others. Why not bring some mindfulness into the bedroom? Being in the moment can help you get out of your head, enjoy the experience and feel more body confident in the bedroom.

Buy the beautiful underwear for you

You deserve it! Buy something that makes you feel sexy and powerful. If you are very shy about your partner seeing you in lingerie, then practice by yourself. The more you do something the more confident you become. 

Take the compliment

When others, especially your partner, says you look beautiful, take it at face value, a compliment. Learning to take a compliment is a great  confidence booster . Just say thank you don’t overthink it. 

Remember the moment you start to believe in yourself that’s when the magic happens.

About Sarah Lyons.

Sarah Lyons is an image consultant, body confidence and wellbeing coach for women, she helps women all over the country look and feel-good inside and out. Find out more at and follow her on Instagram @sarahlyonscoaching & @wellstyled_by_sarah.

Photos by  medium photoclub,  Castorly Stock and Anna Tarazevich from Pexels