Tag: <span>stress</span>

Clusterfuck – otherwise known as a complex and utterly disordered and mismanaged situation, a muddled mess of everything going wrong, which lets face it, the last two years have been without a doubt. But that’s on the macro level. We can kind of handle that because everyone is going through the same clusterfuck of everything going wrong together. The worst type of clusterfuck in my view is when you are going through your own personal clusterfuck of everything going wrong on a micro level, one that is totally personal to you.

Let me paint a picture

….of one of my recent clusterfuck days. I had just booked a holiday to Cape Verde having vowed to not try and travel overseas until the pantomime was over. Within 24 hrs I had to cancel it and was feverishly trying to rebook a holiday to Turkey. OK so totally my own doing there.

I had a firm word with myself and tried to move on. Then sat down and realised I had been locked out (yet again!) of the back end (no not that kind of back end people!) of my bread and butter website Motherhood: The Real Deal as I sat down to try and earn my keep and pay.

But don’t worry because I was soon distracted by the fact my period had come a week two early which meant my mammogram and MRI appointments for my high risk breast cancer screening then had to be rescheduled for some date we couldn’t even bank on because we had no idea if my next period would scupper things once again.

This was against the backdrop of a family ding dong where a family member who shall not be named had labelled me as selfish for wanting to go away against all odds in light of my recent BRCA1 positive status and wanting to live my life to the fullest and a barrage of communications which quite frankly I could have done without.

Definitely not clusterfuck enough yet

My darling four month pup then decided – as she proceeded to dig up a collosal mud pit in our back garden and breakdance the residue all around the kitchen and living room – sofas and all. While I tried to clean the fall out from her kerfuffle up, she chased the mop like a pup possessed making me feel increasingly hot, bothered and hateful by the minute.

Having waited around all day for a doctor that never bothered to call me back about my recent genetic testing debacle, I could feel my annoyance with the world levels reaching breaking point. WHY IS NOTHING EVER STRAIGHT FORWARD? I moaned to my long suffering 40 Now What partner Katie. “Well, my love, because it isn’t”, she wearily replied.

By the time 5pm rolled around, the dinner I had planned on making was a day out of date when I pulled it out the fridge and stunk to fishy high heaven. I called my other long suffering partner Mr C and desperately enquired if he would be coming home soon so I could go for a run before I killed someone with the fall out from my clusterfuckish day. Thank god I did, otherwise I might have been writing this from the confines of a prison cell.

Needless to say I ran every single little bit of clusterfuck out of every cell of my being like I was channelling my inner Usain Bolt.

Everything is going wrong…so what next?

Clusterfuck days are absolutely the worse. We all have them, we all survive them and live to tell the tale, and go to bed early grateful that the day is finally done and tomorrow will be a new, less clusterfucky (hopefully!) day. We all have our own way of managing them (mine is usually to run faster than my little legs will take me), but in case you need some help in managing your next clusterfuck day, we asked Sam Evans – one of our favourite coaches at 40 Now What – to share their tips to help us with future clusterfuckery:

***

You wake up, like every other day. You set your intentions the night before, you mapped out your week, and you say to yourself, I FREAKIN’ GOT THIS! So, you roll out of bed, drink your first of many coffees of the day, and something happens that causes you to feel, “it’s not going to be a good day!”

It could be an abrupt email popping up in your inbox, or your hot drink getting cold before you had a chance of drinking of it, and the constant screaming of “MUM” first thing in the morning, turns an entire day into one clusterfuck of a day as if the day has been totally ruined leaving you feeling drained and exhausted before the day has even begun.

Now more than ever, this is a recurring pattern I see with many women I work with. Instead of taking inspired action or achieving their desired goals, there would always be something at cause to create this feeling as if nothing is meant to be. “It’s the kids fault! It’s the kettles’ fault! Everyone drives me insane!” With so many triggered events, how can one ever see the joy, when the emotions are so sky high? It’s as if its everyone else’s fault that your day is a complete wreck when really, it’s something a lot deeper.

By having many clusterfuck days, it can be difficult to imagine a good day as our minds have memorised a significant patterned way of thinking, feeling and behaving caused by the need to get everything done. We live in a time where everything is so fast paced, that we wake up with this feeling of urgency. It’s as if everything has to be done instantly and if it doesn’t go to plan, then we assume that everything else will go wrong. Just by even having that thought alone, sets the tone for the day, because you have already defined the day before it’s even happened.

When we are faced with such urgency, we face more problems in the outside world with what feels as if the world is against us when really, it’s a clear sign to slow down and pay attention to what really is bothering you and most importantly what to do when we are faced with such days.

Top tips for taking back control when everything is going wrong

Set your intentions in your mind the night before

By imagining and feeling what you want the day to be like, actually programmes your mind to assume that your day, is going to be exactly how you imagined it to be. So think good thoughts as the mind will begin to create the feelings of joy for the following day.

Rise at a time you want to

That first hour in the morning just for yourself is such a magnificent feeling that you literally feel as if you can take on the world. If you are not a 5am person, then don’t force yourself to be, rise at a time that you feel happy to wake up to, without peer pressure of what everyone else is doing.

Avoid the phone

I know. This can be difficult. But your phone isn’t going anywhere. That email or message can wait. You are important and you cannot serve in the first 30-45 minutes of your day when you haven’t even given yourself permission to be, especially as in the first ten minutes of waking up you are tapped into your subconscious programming. You put you first and do something that makes you happy, even if it’s drinking your first cuppa.

Positive morning routine

Journal first thing. Honestly, our minds as women are full of ideas and things to do, and one of the calmest things to do. Journal everything out of your head, instead of imaginary lists in your mind.

Address your emotions

Not every day is going to be perfect. You could wake up late, miss the alarm, or feel flustered. Instead of allowing this to happen, give yourself permission to wake up late. By addressing how you feel is better than forcing yourself to be miss positive polly pants, because that emotion is there for a reason. Address it, accept it, and let it go.

Listen to your body

Sometimes we experience things like aches and pains, as if the body is telling us don’t move, just chill. If you ever experience this, then listen to your body. Its ok to chill and watch Netflix; it’s ok to take a break and have a me day. Your body knows best so listen.

Pause and reflect

If things feel like they are spiralling out of control, instead of forcing yourself to make things happen, just pause and reflect on your feelings. Your mind and body are always communicating with you so listen with kindness to yourself on where you are now, without the need of more chaos projecting in your outer world.

Get in flow with a polarity test

This process is an effective way for a person who is experiencing negative attitudes and self-sabotaging behaviours, such as feelings of irritability, waking up in a bad mood, negative self-talk, and even procrastination. To allow yourself to move from self-sabotage to a positive state, the following will allow your physical body to respond and have that instant shift:

Using your two right fingers, rub the soft spot in between your armpit and boob on the left side, while focusing on the issue that is causing you to feel negativity. Whilst holding on this spot, inhale deeply, and exhale with two breaths – first short second longer. Repeat this three times.

After, use the two same right fingers, and gently place them under the nose. Whilst holding this spot, set the intentions for the day and inhale deeply, and exhale two breaths – first short second longer. Repeat this three times.

Finally, tap the side of left hand on the outside by the little finger reconfirming the following positive affirmations – “I am calm, I am content, and I am in control.” Repeat them until you feel they have integrated.

You can do this as many times in the day as you like, and I would definitely recommend doing this every day first thing.

Remember, when it everything is going wrong and itmin feels as if the world is against you, it’s a clear indication that you need time for you. You are so important on this earth and the only way you can serve others and have the most productive day, is if you put you first.

So if you’re having one of those days when everything is going wrong, take a deep breath and remember the above! Have you had a clusterfuck day recently? Why not get things off your chest with a comment below or by joining in with our community on Instagram here.

Photo by Liza Summer, energepic.com, cottonbro from Pexels

Worried about mental health? We are inundated with information on how to keep our physical bodies healthy. You feel fat so you eat healthier foods and exercise. Physically you see the difference. People start to say how much weight you’ve lost. You LOOK different. But mental health? Sadly there’s no window to our minds. Many people hide their true emotions, scared to show their ‘real’ selves incase others take umbridge.

Our minds need exercise. Our minds need rest and our minds need as much attention as our physical being.

Mental health awareness week

It’s mental health awareness week (10th-16th May 2021). This offers an opportunity to focus on assessing how we are ‘feeling’ and what we might need to change. Maintaining a positive mindset is more important than ever before. Given this past year during covid, we’ve constantly faced challenges and adversity head on.

Mental Health Matters

Kelly Mesut is a counsellor and psychotherapist, reiki practitioner, health & wellness business owner and trainee yoga teacher. She has pulled together a few key tips that she recommends to clients, family and friends.

These aren’t prescriptive tips, neither are they a cure for mental health conditions, but can help you care for your mental health every day.

Top Tip Number 1: Movement

Many people readily admit to ‘hating’ exercise which turns them off the idea that this could be beneficial, so the term ‘movement’ feels more accessible.

Movement is anything that gets your body moving, doing something that you enjoy and makes you feel good. Kelly recommends a podcast with Kelly McGonigal PhD, a health psychologist and lecturer, in which she discusses her book, The Joy Of Movement. She talks about how movement is fundamental to being human and discusses its role in combatting mental ill-health.

Try to move your body in some way each day, if you’re goal oriented set a few goals to motivate you. If you’re not, just enjoy it and feel into it, be mindful of how movement makes you feel and monitor your mood before and after. Most of all, enjoy it! Don’t force yourself to do something you don’t like, indulge in an activity that you find fun, and bear in mind that just 10 minutes of walking has been shown to have a positive impact on mental health matters.

Top Tip Number 2: Healthy Diet

We’ve all heard the saying, ‘you are what you eat’. If your body isn’t receiving the nutrients it needs to function optimally, then how can we feel our best mentally and physically? It’s like filling a car with the wrong type of fuel. If our bodies are continually deprived of ‘real’ nutritious food, then sustainable good health is going to prove elusive. The perfect diet isn’t possible, we should enjoy our food and take pleasure in it, but be mindful that you’re giving your body and mind what it needs. You don’t need to say ‘no’ to the things you love, just include them as part of a healthy balanced diet.

Top Tip Number 3: Sleep

Sleep and rest is really key to mental health. There’s a close relationship between sleep and mental health. Living with a mental health problem can affect how well you sleep, and poor sleep can have a negative impact on your mental health. So, it can be a bit of a negative cycle. Brain fog and a lack of clarity, feeling slow and sluggish, irritability, lacking in energy; it’s not fun. What can help is working out if an early night or a later rising time suits you better.

Sometimes it can be a matter of just consciously prioritising more sleep, but if you’re struggling to sleep, there are a number of things you can do that may help promote better sleep:

Start winding down a couple of hours before your planned bedtime, put screens away and start thinking about consciously slowing down.
Try to avoid TV etc in the bedroom so that you associate the room with sleep.
Make sure your bedroom is a nice temperature – so you don’t overheat or get too cold.
Try and go to bed at the same time each day so your body becomes used to a routine.
Try reading before bed in another room to help your mind relax. Journalling before bed if you have things on your mind can be helpful to get thoughts out of your head. (a notepad by your bed can be helpful if you are woken by worries or an endless to-do list)
Sleep meditations. (there are so many meditation apps around to choose from)
Be aware of how foods and eating patterns such as caffeine, alcohol and eating late can affect your sleep and mental health.

Top Tip Number 4: Connect

Connecting with someone you care about, someone who lifts you up, whether that’s in person, online or over the phone, is hugely important. ‘Connect’ is one of the ‘Five Ways to Wellbeing’. “There is strong evidence that indicates that feeling close to, and valued by, other people is a fundamental human need and one that contributes to functioning well in the world.”

There’s also the saying that ‘we are the average of the five people we are around the most’. Surround yourself with the people who bring out the best in you, who make you laugh, who leave you feeling on top of the world. As we move through life and our social time is perhaps more constrained by our various responsibilities, use it wisely and surround yourself with those people who make you feel like the best version of yourself. Not for validation, for solidarity!

Top Tip Number 5: Give

‘Giving’ is another one of the ‘Five Ways to Wellbeing’. Individuals who report a greater interest in helping others are more likely to rate themselves as happy. Giving doesn’t have to mean money, it can be your time, your expertise, or your kindness. It could be donating to a cause dear to your heart, or it could be a genuine compliment to someone. There’s something lovely about giving to others with no agenda, about making a difference, large or small to someone else, it makes us feel good. If you’re thinking about someone else, it also helps shift the focus away from the self. Research shows that depression and anxiety are linked to a state of self-focus, but when helping others, you shift to a state of ‘other’ focus.

Mental Health Matters Bonus Tip: Do something that lights you up – everyday

This is a bonus tip! No matter how small, do something (positive) you love every day. When we do, we switch our energy and our state. Whether it’s listening to music you love, dancing around the kitchen, reading, meditating, yoga, running, a walk in nature (nature is the theme of this year’s Mental Health Awareness Week and its many beneficial effects on mental health are widely documented), a raucous phone call with your favourite person, painting, an episode of your fave TV show, just give yourself permission to fully ENJOY something at least once a day.

The above are not a cure for mental health conditions and you should always consult your GP first and foremost if you’re are struggling with your mental health. But these are a few strategies that can help to boost mental health. If you feel that you need to seek help, please do so. There is no shame, only strength, in admitting that you need to address something.

You are important, we are all important, and we all deserve to feel our best as much as possible. We’re human, our emotional states change all the time, but if you’re feeling persistently low and are continually struggling, please know that this is not fixed and can change.

Own yourself. Protect your mental health. Because mental health matters.

Tag: stress

Everything going wrong? How to bitch slap those clusterfuck days