Remember when you had a stash of big girl pants solely for the purpose of keeping your brick of a sanitary towel firmly in place? Back in your third decade, you didn’t mind a piece of cloth being hoinked up your bum crack in the name of vanity. Well move over Tarzan, because that was before you hit your 4th decade, when your hip bones and bum decided to go through a growth spurt which meant that the idea of wearing a thong as knickers – read: a piece of dental floss – as a piece of underwear suddenly seemed not only completely and hideously uncomfortable but also completely ludicrous.
Out with the G-rope
You wonder how you could even have done that to your poor arse crack in the first place. Perhaps – in time – it will forgive and forget…..
I remember before I hit 40, my mum – bless her – would come with offerings of big girl pants from M&S and I would literally laugh her out of the room. These knickers seemed so big I could literally drown my entire existence in them. I smiled politely and stashed them away for when Aunty Flo came to visit.
But oh how times have changed! I never thought this would happen, but big girl knickers are no longer something to be shunned and stuck at the back of your knicker draw. In fact, since I hit my 40s I literally can’t live a day without them. I would go so far as to say I feverishly seek them out among the cacophony of snapper wrappers fouling my underwear drawer from my younger years.
Comfort over g-sting
The bottom line is this: All I want in life are some comfy and supportive knickers to hold my ever-growing hips and buttocks in. The thought of them flailing around without any scaffolding so to speak, is literally as appealing as a dead skunk. In fact, the more scaffolding, the better I say!
I never thought this would be the case, but perhaps aided by lockdown and months spent languishing at home – comfort is the new cool. Give me a pair of Brazilian knickers or some cheeky boy shorts and I’m yours any day.
I couldn’t give two hoots about the original joy of nobody seeing your panty line….because who is going to see it anyway? And what are they going to do even if they do? And as for whoever said that hip cleavage was sexy….well maybe they are looking at things from a different angle from me!
Bye bye bum floss
I haven’t quite managed to get rid of my stash of old G-strings, but am getting increasingly ready to burn them any day soon along with their disgusting moisture-trap of a walking risk of infection (why has it taken me 40 years to even realise that anyway?!).
Besides, they are so impractical for those times when you didn’t quite manage to wipe yourself properly. Those heinous skid marks are another reason why I can very well do without my supply of poop hammocks.
Viva la big girls pants!