Brutal truths about being 40

We aren’t going to sugar coat this shit show for you people. This is real life. I bought a coffee today from 2 young lads who could easily have been my teenage sons. For the first time, I thought to myself, I wonder what they think when they see me. Do they acknowledge me as a frumpy old ma, an older woman? What category am I now? It makes no difference to me whatsoever what they thought of me as I know I do my best to live my best life and I take as much care as I can of my body. But here are some brutal truths about the realities we are experiencing in our 4th decade. This is being 40.

  • You start becoming as blind as a bat. Reading the ingredients on food labels makes your eyes strain like a bear on the toilet.
  • A moment on the lips = a lifetime on the hips! Those days of wallowing in a bucket of Hagen Daaz are long gone. Your metabolism has just slowed down another 5% so trying to maintain your current weight just got 50% harder!
  • You’re closer to the M word than ever before. You constantly wonder whether this might be the year your body stops producing eggs and shrivels up.
  • You start losing the fight against wrinkles. But hey these are not wrinkles – they are survival lines right?
  • Hot Flashes! From head to toe and even in the roots of your hair ffs!
  • If your parents are still around you become acutely aware of how much longer they might have in them leaving you with an unhealthy obsession with mortality.
  • The epiphany that the buck stops with you always – and nobody can sort out your shit for you.
  • You can not hold in a fart even if your life – or the planet – depended on it.
  • Your brain is starting to feel like the biggest tangle, plagued with misremembering, forgetting words, names and being replaced with a load of mumbo jumbo.
  • Running home to the toilet becomes a regular occurrence as you fear the reality of wetting your knickers as your pelvic floor muscles aren’t what they used to be.
  • The younger generation might consider you a m.i.l.f (if you’re lucky). You may even have been lucky enough to be wolf whistled by a teenager (cringe!).
  • You’re no longer in the 18-35 category so jog on and tick the next box down please.
  • Being called ‘ Aunty’ by people in their thirties. Yup, you’re now the crazy aunt everyone!
  • When you consider work colleagues to be of a similar age but discover they were actually born in 2001 which WASN’T 10 years ago btw…..
  • Realising that you’re making groaning noise that only old people make when you get up from a chair or the floor.
  • When you’re explaining to teenagers about the Spice Girls and they ask ‘are they still alive?’
  • Not ever being asked to show your I.D when purchasing your daily gin.
  • Being so out of date with the lingo of the youth and having to ask what the abbreviation means!
  • You can no longer jump on a trampoline for the fear a bit of wee coming out. So happiness is…erm…NOT jumping on a trampoline!
  • Staying in, not going to the party, not leaving your house – your childhood punishments have now become your adult goals!
  • 9pm is pretty much equivalent to midnight. But hey you are still a rockstar, you whisper to yourself as you hunker down under the covers with your book of choice.
  • You remember the time before mobile phones, the internet and having to go to the library to look something up.
  • Your kids don’t know who Britney Spears is. Ugh! So toxic having to explain to them.

Anything to add to the list? What else do you expect you’ll encounter in your 40s? Get in touch by leaving a comment below or connect with us on Instagram here.

40 things to do now that you’re 40

So now that you’re 40, what exactly does that change? Some might say nothing, but there is a feeling that perhaps we have less time to do what we wanted before – that time is becoming more precious. While it’s all too easy to have an existential or mid-life crisis at this point, instead of having a freak out, we say it’s to do what you’ve always wanted to do but have never done!

With that in mind- for your inspiration – we’ve put together this list of 40 things to do now that’s your 40. Because now is the time to live it baby!

40 things to do now that you are 40

1. Do something jaw-dropping

….that will have everyone in your family talking about you.

2. Embark on a really bizarre hobby

…along the lines of soap carving, making snow globes, beetle fighting or mooing (yes really it’s a thing!). More idea on weird hobbies here.

3. Drive your dream car

Can’t afford one? No shame, go and hire one for the day instead.

4. Try a watersport

…if you haven’t already – think windsurfing, kite surfing, wakeboarding or jet skiing for the ultimate in adrenaline rushes.

5. Take flight

Book a helicopter or hot air balloon trip.

now that you're 40

6. Woman-up

…and go on the scariest ride possible at a theme park

7. Unleash your inner dare devil

Do a sky-dive, bunjee jump or abseil if you’ve always wanted to but still not ticked it off your bucket list.

8. Sleep under the stars

Go camping/glamping, roast marshmellows over a fire, sing camp songs, make breakfast on a camping stove…I am always amazed at how many people say they have still never done so.

9. Rediscover where you live

Make like a tourist for the day where you live and see it with a pair of fresh eyes.

10. Sort your s*** out

Have therapy and sort out any unresolved issues you’ve dragged with you through life – or take them to the grave with you.

11. Feel the fear and do it anyway

Knock your biggest fears on the head – whether it’s a fear of heights, spiders, snakes with either exposure therapy or hypnotherapy.

12. Release your inner child

Do something ridiculous like sliding down the bannister, dressing up in fancy dress for no particular reason, play Twister, have a go on your child’s skateboard…..

13. Bring out the entertainer in you

Learn some good jokes and a party trick or two if you don’t have some up your sleeve already.

14. Love yourself

Have a date with yourself whether it be to an art gallery, bar or restaurant. Learn to love yourself. You need to live with her for the rest of your life.

15. Find joy in movement

Learn how to dance – I mean really dance! – whether it be ballroom, salsa, tango or belly! Even a bear can learn to dance, and so can you!

now that you're 40

16. Make history

Create a time capsule and bury it somewhere in your garden. Make a note to dig it up in five years time.

17. Reconnect with your younger self

Write a letter to your younger self telling her everything you would ever want to.

18. Discover your inner mixologist

Learn how to make a decent cocktail if you don’t know how to already.

19. Stop dreaming, start doing!

Push the button on whatever you’ve been dreaming about doing….and do it!

20. Be a hero

Let go of your ego, be heroic and initiate the change you want to see rather than just waxing lyrical about it.

21. Do what the f*** you want

Have a blank canvas day – leave the house with no plans in mind and see where the day takes you

22. Open your ears (and mind)

Listen to all the weird radio stations available on digital radio – you will be amazed at some of the things you’ll find on there!

23. Remember every good friend was once a stranger

Start talking to strangers – in the supermarket, on the train, on your next flight. Opening up is a beautiful thing. And who knows, maybe – just maybe – they could end up being a new friend.

24. Protest!

Stand up for something you believe in. Go on a protest march, start a petition, appeal to your local councillor.

25. Be naughty

Make sure you’ve gotten up to enough mischief in life. If not, don’t worry…there’s still time.

26. Look up to the skies

Go stargazing, visit an observatory, look for UFOS, planets, shooting stars and satellites.

27. Experiment!

Experiment with hair colour. Going grey is your chance to have fun and relive your teen years when you hair was every colour of the rainbow

28. Experience true decadence

Bath in a tub full of rose petals, dried citrus and oat bath milk – for the ultimate in luxurious experiences

29. Be your own doctor

Quit relying on your GP to solve your health problems. Try alternative medicines and therapies.

30. Meditate

Start a meditation practice. It’s the most amazing way of connecting with your inner self.

31. Do your Kegels

Do your pelvic floor exercises. Your bladder will be thanking you for it as you continue to age.

32. Reconnect with your wardrobe

Have a massive wardrobe detox. Book a personal stylist or shopper for the day create a little reinvention.

33. Get in the picture

Commission someone to paint a portrait of take some professional photos of you

34. Stay out of the sun

We all love the sun but who wants to look like a dried up pair of leather trousers?

35. Embrace the power of compliments

Start giving compliments to others more often and learn to receive compliments more graciously.

now that you're 40

36. Witness a miracle

Watch a sunrise from a mountain top and a sunset over the sea somewhere breathtaking.

37. Become a wordsmith

Try free writing or painting – grab a pen or paintbrush and just start writing or painting and see what comes out.

38. Hold the vision

Make a vision board of what you want your 40s to look like.

39. Silence your inner critic

It’s not nice to you and the only thing it’s good for is reaffirming untruths about yourself.

40. Organise a reunion

Whether it be old friends, colleagues, or families, resist the cringe and enjoy the chance to reminisce about your former glory days.

What else would you add to this list of 40 things to do now that you’re 40? Let us know in a comment below and connect with us on Instagram here where we love to chat all things about life in your 40s!

Photos by Julia AvamotiveSkitterphoto,  Tara Winstead,  Los Muertos Crew,  ThirdmanNataliya Vaitkevich, RF._.studio,  Eva Elijas,  Askar Abayev from Pexels

Spinster Chronicles: The one with the breakup text

Are you dating in your 40s? Have there been any unexpected challenges? Technology has advanced so much since our 20s that it’s not uncommon to have a text message relationship before even meeting each other. Well, imagine being sent a breakup text before you’ve even had your first date….Meet our favourite spinster, Jennifer Walters.

10th June 2021

Have you ever gotten a breakup text from someone you didn’t know you were dating, someone you’ve never even actually met in person?

Well, neither had I, until last week.

CfromTinder texted me to let me know he’s had enough of me not putting forth the proper investment into our budding relationship and he’s not interested in a woman who won’t make him a priority.

I told CfromTinder that I have two kids, two dogs, a job, and as of late I spend a ridiculous amount of time watching videos on the internet about fixing broken toilets because for the past several weeks, at least one of them in my house is out of order at all times.

I also told CfromTinder that he is right. It’s highly unlikely I would make him a priority because I’m not really interested in knowing someone that is hard work to know before I even actually know them, because I’ve never met them, in real life.

Two days later CfromTinder texted me to say that he thinks he jumped the gun and wants to give it another try. I told him we probably wouldn’t be a good match, but his persistence, combined with my sister’s insistence that his pics were really cute, and my having nothing to do that Thursday night, led me to agree to meet him for a glass of wine.

We met, at the wine bar down the street, where they always see me with a different dude. I have a feeling they may be starting to wonder if I’m some sort of lady of the night.

CfromTinder showed up in purse pants and spent maybe fifteen collective minutes, out of the hour and a half we were there, actually sitting down at the table. The rest of the time he was in the bathroom, at the bar, running to his car for something, or taking a call outside. I’m pretty sure that in truth he was either preoccupied with tending to what I suspect might be a nagging cocaine habit, or suffering from a severe case of untreated ADHD. Either way, my notion that we weren’t a good match was confirmed. 

Back to the swiping board. And no, CfromTinder, I’m not going to meet up with you to explain why I don’t want to see you again.

9th July 2021

I met B online. B is a Marine, but the true display of his bravery came when he agreed to meet me for the first time while I was out on a girls night. He survived the shenanigans and interrogations from my besties, so when he invited me out on a real date I accepted.

We went to my local wine bar (yes, that same one I go to on all my dates) and had a nice time. During our evening, we realized this was not the first time we’d met. Not only was it not the first time we’d met, he had been to my house before, been swimming in my pool, sampled my world famous guacamole, and maybe even pooped in my toilet. I don’t know if he actually pooped in my toilet, but I assume since he was there for several hours eating snacks, it’s very possible.

We also discovered we have a mutual nemesis. The same evil twat that wreaked havoc in my life wreaked havoc in his, during the same time period. Apparently she was so masterful at being an evil twat the it was no problem for her to fill this role for multiple people in parallel. We bonded over this hatred for TwatyMcHoebag and decided to go on another date.

As the week progressed, we discussed possible next date activities. I suggested maybe bowling, axe throwing, or painting. He said he didn’t want to do those things. I said, “okay,” because I’m a reasonable human being who doesn’t try to convince people they like to do things they don’t like to do. He suggested we go shoot guns. I told him I don’t like shooting guns, and rather than him simply saying, “okay,” B, who shall henceforth be referred to as Pushy McPusherton, spent several minutes too long explaining to me how he could change my mind about shooting guns, and that I should ignore the likelihood that I would have a trauma induced emotional breakdown if we shot guns on our second date.

I told him I’d think of some other ideas and call him back. I did not think of any other ideas, nor did I call him back.

Jennifer’s Top Tips for avoiding text messages

For those of you who love to complain that you get too many text messages that you’re too busy and too important to be bothered with, but can’t seem to figure out what to do about it:

1. Turn your alert off. You may not know, but you can turn both your audible and vibration alert off, unless you have a phone from 1994.
2. Turn your phone off. Although this may interfere with your ability to interact with others, you’re clearly in pursuit of less interaction, so, win!
3. Get a bag phone. They can’t receive text messages.
4. Give your phone to a toddler. Let them answer your texts. If you don’t have access to a toddler, give your phone to a dog. If neither of these options are at your fingertips, put it in the toilet.
5. Stop giving people your phone number.
6. Get a pager.
7. Activate the Do Not Disturb feature on your phone. You likely have this feature on your device, unless you have a bag phone, in which case, problem solved.
8. Build really thick walls in your house so the signal can’t get to your phone when you’re inside.
9. Fashion yourself track suit with signal blocking technology that you can wear around town. It is critical that your suit has a pocket to securely transport your device. I suggest a zipper closure as Velcro often losses it’s locking power with wear and tear.
10. Remove the battery.
11. Never, ever charge your battery.
12. Switch to walkie talkie technology.
13. Every time someone texts you, text them back a picture of you making a mean face.

You can catch up on Jennifer’s debacles here. Do you find dating in your 40s challenging? What are the most random messages you’ve been sent?

Leave a comment below and follow us on Instagram here where we’ll be keeping the conversation going.

How to manage boundaries while respecting others

I am the self professed Queen of boundaries. Since turning 40, I’d say I’ve found managing boundaries even easier.

Managing boundaries is all about enforcing your personal terms and conditions. It’s now or never so if you need to set some out, you’ve come to the right place for some advice to manage boundaries.

For me, there are many situations where I can feel uncomfortable. It’s not a confidence issue nor one that I actually want to fix. For example, I simply do not enjoy being in a group of women. SO, I just don’t join in. I literally have the opposite of FOMO. The idea of a girls’ night out makes me shudder. Perhaps it’s all those hormones in one place. Who knows? Who cares! Large groups of people don’t enthral me at the best of times. Perhaps it’s because I like being the focus of the attention. I like to be able to interrupt before I erupt, much like a toddler, so I’ve found my people. They like me for my quirks and understand in no uncertain terms not to invite me to girls’ nights out!

I need my own space. I do not like sharing. If there’s a family event, I insist we have our own accommodation. The noise gets too much. The constant ‘togetherness.’ I can’t cope with it. However, I respect that my husband comes from a big family so he likes it – this is where the respect and compromise comes in. We discuss it and come up with a solution. I like to work with exact timings. Again, not something I want fixing, I thrive on routine and habits. So we set out a plan before we go anywhere. God forbid I might enjoy myself and stay later! It doesn’t happen often but it can and when it does, it’s wonderful. Setting boundaries makes me feel in control in a positive way.

There are no set rules in how YOU should live YOUR life. But what is important is that you live YOUR best life. Communicate with your friends and family. Let them know if when you’re uncomfortable in situations. The last thing you want is to live with resentment.

Firstly let’s take a look at why boundaries are awesome: Katharina Wolf Counsellor (MBACP) & PR Account Manager says, “they create space for people to exist in, rather than shutting others out – obviously, they can do that, too, and therefore tend to get a bad rep. Working from this line of thought, that boundaries are a safe place, boundary setting can become easier (among examining the reasons why other people are more important than you – boundary-pushing/crossing is happening.) Especially the over 40s can be affected as their upbringing might still be very much people-pleasing, own-needs disregarding inspired (especially women)”.

To add to that, accredited coach Emma Jefferys aka Action Woman offers her insights to managing boundaries. Her top 5 tips are:

1. What do you need?

Know where the edges are: if you don’t know your breaking point then it’s hard to stop intentionally before you reach it. So notice what you need, what makes you feel good and on top of things. Consider sleep, nutrition, alone time, family time etc. For example if you know that one late night is enough for you then more than that is your edge. Check in daily with how close to the edge you are personally and what you need right now.

2. Set your limits

For you and for others: the whole point of knowing our edges is to stop before we reach them. Sometimes this is about saying no to ourselves so perhaps we only go out on Friday night and not Saturday too or we build in some extra rest time. And other times it is about setting these limits with others.Perhaps you don’t want to fill the diary every single weekend. Or want to shut your laptop down at 6pm and have no screens til morning. Whatever it is that you need think about how you communicate that to others that need to know it.

3. Just say No

Know you can say no and still be a good person: this should be a daily reminder. Your self-worth does not depend on how much you do for others…..repeat after me……

Your self-worth does not depend on how much you do for others.

4. Get your priorities right

Schedule your priorities: most people are excellent at prioritising their schedule but what if the wrong things are on there.  Take time each week to schedule the things that are important to you. Whether that is exercise, meeting a friend, calling your mum or getting an early night, plan to do it and then don’t cancel on yourself.

5. Don’t beat yourself up

Forgive yourself daily: no one is perfect, life isn’t perfect, and we won’t always get things right. Sometimes setting boundaries is having to do lifelong habits (like people pleasing) so have a go, don’t beat yourself when it goes wrong, celebrate when it goes right and know that there will always be another chance to practice. 

6. Ask for Help

Don’t do it alone: If you are trying to maintain boundaries that you don’t find easy then find support. Perhaps practice saying no with a friend. Ask your partner to nudge you if you’re mindlessly watching TV past the curfew you’ve set for yourself. Use an app to limit the amount you can spend on social media.

How to set boundaries and be happy in love

Pascale is a Therapeutic Relationship and Life Coach, the founder of the Surviving to Thriving group coaching program and author of How to be Happy in Life and Love: A guide to living the life you Deserve. See more at: www.youfulfilled.co.uk

Dating can be a wonderful thing and yet a complete minefield at the same time… Once we hit a certain age, things are so different for us. What we look for in a man, in terms of fun, commitment and family, are very different to how we looked at it in our 20s and early 30s. Being able to look after ourselves both physically and emotionally is essential. Our resilience levels and boundaries are very different and because of that we need to be cautious in different ways.

Here are 5 ways to protect ourselves in all things love and dating.

Know your expectations 

We have different priorities when we’re older and deserve to be a little more fussy. We don’t have to be settling or compromising as we did when we were younger. Being prepared to know what you want, I think at our age, is perfectly fair and realistic. If somebody doesn’t make you feel good or makes you feel like you have to change parts of yourself in order to fit their standard, be comfortable to draw the line and say no. No compromises are necessary.

They get to choose too

If they decide that you don’t meet their requirements, that’s totally cool as well. It isn’t the end of the world and doesn’t mean that there aren’t other, better options for you around the corner. This isn’t meant to be a cheesy ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’ gag, but more likely that, we all get to choose who is right for us and who is not so right for us. It’s not the end of the world, it just means that this isn’t your happy ever after ending (yet).

Trust can be a challenge

If you have been cheated on in the past, which statistically, a lot of women at our age have, don’t treat every man like a cheat. Cheating is unacceptable in any situation, but there are so many good men out there who wouldn’t dream of cheating on you. Unless you have very good reason to think otherwise, trust your partner to treat you well. If your spidey senses are telling you something different, question them and let your intuition guide you as to what’s going on. If you have been hurt before, you may be hypervigilant. Hypervigilance doesn’t mean they are doing you wrong, it just means that you are super wary of not getting hurt again.

Remember to have fun 

Dating and love are meant to be fun. It’s meant to be a happy affair that brings you joy. Don’t make it too serious. Don’t make it too heavy too quick and remember that even though it can at times be very scary, it can also be wonderful, so make sure you enjoy the ride. 

Go with your gut instinct 

Always. If something feels off, don’t push it down and ignore it. A woman instincts are usually spot-on, whatever the situation. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, wary or even scared, please act on those instincts. Just because there are a lot of great men out there, there are also some douches. If the relationship doesn’t feel fun and you don’t feel safe and special, it’s definitely time to move on.

How well do you mange boundaries? Comment below and let us know how you cope.

You know you were born in the 80s because….

If you’re just turning 40 then you were born in the 80s. I loved seeing my mum in shoulder pads and being a teenager in the 90s was totally awesome wasn’t it?

We’ve put together our ‘kids in the 80s’ top 10 memories. If you were born in the 80s, we hope you enjoy this little trip down memory lane.

When I was a kid….

We’re reached THAT age where we can say, well it wasn’t like that in my day. Because let’s face it, when we were kids, there was NO internet. Imagine the audacity of having to go to a (children block your ears….) library!

1. The Worldwide Web, dial-up, fax machines and rotary phones

If you wanted to make a phone call it had to either from your house or a reverse charge phone call. The rotary phones took FOREVER and if you got a number wrong, well it was anxiety inducing!

Who can forget the unmistakable sound of the dial-up Internet. You just never knew if it would work. Apparently, this sound is known to technicians as a ‘handshake.’ If you were born in the 80s, it’s a sound you’ll never forget.

I discovered Google for the first time when I was personal assistant to the Executive Producer on EastEnders. He had a hard back paper diary. I wrote all the meetings in pencil so I could rub out the changes. One day I realised I’d booked in a meeting, that was happening in an hour’s time, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember who this person was or why they were coming in. While I was panicking, sweating and trying to breathe, in walked one of the story producers who could see me twitching. ‘Google him,’ she said. I had NO idea was wizardry she spoke of and you can only imagine my utter delight when in under 2 minutes, my problem was solved.

2. Terry Towelling Fluorescent socks and Shell Suits

Incredibly dubious fashion statements. Not for the faint hearted. The neon pink, yellow, green or orange terry towelling sock. Colour clashes galore. I think sometimes I even wore odd socks just to really freak myself out! Shell suits, well, let’s face it, if you were born in the 80s, you’re lucky to be alive. One false move near a cigarette and you’d be charred remains. Talking of which – did anyone else have to go to the shop with a handwritten note from their mum asking the shop keeper for 20 B&H?

3. You recorded the chart show on a cassette tapes and saved your files onto floppy disks

The weekend was always about recording the chart show. You rarely listened to it again but it was super important to record it. And to have an HB pencil on stand by for an untangling emergency when your tape got stuck. Heart stopping stuff really.

Our parents’ important work was stored on floppy disks which always really confused me on the account of them not being at all floppy.

4. Questionable Desserts

Ice-cream came in blocks. We’d get Neapolitan slabs of strawberry, vanilla and chocolate. We’d all just eat the flavour that we liked so often they’d be huge chunks of one colour missing! My Dad told me a horrific story about the ice cream vans and how they mix the whippy so to this day I will only get a pre wrapped but my go-to then was a Screwball with the bubble gum at the bottom. Every time I risked chocking as I poured the last drip of melted ice cream to get the gumball. Saturday dessert was always a Viennetta and we felt well posh. If we had ice cream on its own, we’d smother it in Bird’s Ice Magic. How that stuff set so hard and fast, I’ll never know and it’s probably best I never do!

5. Timmy Mallet woke you up on a Saturday

The Wide Wide Awake Club was on our screens every Saturday morning between 1984 and 1989. Saturday mornings were all about TV in our house. We’d watch Going Live and I still remember the number to call, which I did every week was 081 811 8181! Who didn’t love Trevor and Simon and go to school on a Monday ‘swinging your pants!’ To this day, every time I change the sheets I hear myself saying…’I don’t dooooooo duvets!’

6. Hooch, Mad Dog 20/20, Ford Fiestas and Smoking

Retching at the thought. These days I have a very considered and refined alcoholic palette. Back then, I’d neck any old rubbish and would give myself explosive diarrhoea from cider straight from the litre bottle that was shared among 10 other kids, while driving to the park in a battered Ford Fiesta with a packet of Silk Cut that cost £1.11.

7. Charity Telethons and Childline

Who remembers being insanely excited about getting their fund raising packs and staying up all night long with Michael Aspel??

The fantastic Childline was founded by Esther Rantzen in 1986. 0800 11 11 was a number we would frequently threaten our parents with if we didn’t get ice magic on our ice-cream, much to my horror today.

8. Classic TV Shows

Favourites in our house were Bread, The Two of Us, Don’t Wait Up, Darling Buds of May, ‘Allo ‘Allo, Brush Strokes, Rentaghost, Rosanne, Watching, Just Good Friends, Some Mother’s do ‘Ave ‘Em and of course, Last of the Summer Wine. As soon as the theme tune came on, it was homework time and Sunday night dread. Can you believe there were after all only FOUR channels! And you had to walk up to the TV and press a button to change it while wiggling the coat hanger that was the temporary arial. If you fell asleep on the sofa, you’d have woken up to Test Card Girl with the scary clown doll. How fabulous!

9. Toys

We all bossed it on our original Nintendos playing Super Mario brothers and Black and white Tetris on the Game Boy. If you weren’t freaked out from being made to watch Child’s play, you probably had a Cabbage Patch Kid. The rest of us were terrified of it coming to life and finishing us off in the middle of the night.

10. Beauty Products

Hands up if you wore Rimmel Heather Shimmer? Wore Exclamation by Coty and fumigated yourself with Charlie Red. I know I did. I also had ginger hair from spraying wayyyyyy to much Sun-In in my hair before slathering it in L’Oreal Stu, Stu, Studio line hairgel!

If you were born in the 80s, We hope you enjoyed reminiscing. What are your favourite memories? Leave a comment below and follow us on Instagram here.

How to be body confident in your 40s

Remember in your 20s when you finally got that taste of sweet freedom and you felt invincible? Your body was probably a lithe machine of a vessel! No neither do I because quite frankly, it feels like another lifetime ago, and almost certainly a different person! Fast forward to now – your 4th decade – and urban legend tells us that you should be feeling confident in your 40s because of a whole list of reasons. The greatest reason is because we are allegdly supposed to no longer give a shit about anything (hmm debatable). But what about being body confident?

For many of us, our 40s are a time of great change in our bodies and this is exactly why it’s the perfect time to rewrite the narrative around our bodies and self-worth. But how do we do that?

Today we’re giving the floor over to Body Confidence Coach Sarah Lyons who having recently turned 40 herself shares her reflections and tips for feeling confident in both mind and body in your 40s – whatever the situation!

***

The fact that my body is now 40 years old is not something to be ashamed of, not something to hide or fix but it is a wonderful palace that I live in. My body is my home in this lifetime and I plan on enjoying it.

Having been around the block in regards to body confidence and finally made my peace I am truly looking forward to the next 40 year because it will not be filled with shame, self doubt or worry about  what anyone else thinks about me or my body. It is none of their business !

Being body confident means something totally different to me now  than even a few years ago. Body confidence to me was always about looking your best so people would think the best of you. It  was about trying to be a certain weight. Because being a teenager in the 90’s was all about being thin and thin ment being happy!

Body confidence now is about having an amazing connection with myself. I must be who I am regardless of how I look and regardless of what I weigh. Body confidence is about the relationship I have with myself and my body.

It has nothing to do with anyone else and I have stopped looking to outside sources for my validation and happiness. Yes I still love to wear my beautiful clothes but now I wear them for me to make me happy.

I can hear you asking how I got to this place of  body confidence. Well the answer is self acceptance and kindness.

Keys was to start being kind to yourself and accepting yourself are

  • To focus on your positive qualities
  • Say kind and positive words to yourself everyday
  • Avoid negative self talk
  • Set positive healthy goals and respect what your body can do.
  • Admire the beauty of others but do NOT compare yourself to them
  • Remind yourself that the media images we see are often unrealistic and unattainable .

Once I started to do these things they quickly became automatic, becoming body confidence is a change of mindset but it is something you have to work on daily. Putting in the work on yourself will lead to united rewards for you and the people around you. You deserve to live a fabulous life.

So how can we be body confident in different areas of our lives? As I said it starts with self acceptance and kindness. And here are some tips to get you started.

Social occasions

It is totally normal to feel some anxiety around social occasions , it is a new experience of meeting new people and being in a new place but try a few things to make it a little easier.

  1. Posture, you are a little bit older but there is no need to be slouching down. Stand tall with your shoulders back. Keep your head up and make eye contact.

2. Tone of voice -a friendly or gentle tone of voice is helpful in any kind of communication, especially an uncomfortable one. When you are mindful of how you say things, you will feel more confident. You will also make the people around you feel at ease.

3. Listen -becoming a good listener is always a good thing but especially in social situations. Don’t look at your phone all the time and use kind facial expressions to show you are listening.

4. Reality check -when we are in new situations like social ones our mind can run away with itself and we start to overthink or over analyze our existence and why we are there in the first place! Reconnect back to yourself with some deep breaths or box breathing .

5. Smile – my number one tip for loving yourself and feeling confident. Smiling is scientifically proven to make you feel better. Smiling at others will help you feel confident and make them feel great.

At work

Feeling confident at work can be hard if you don’t really love the job you are in – if it’s making you feel miserable and depressed then maybe consider moving on. Our work environment plays such a vital role in our wellbeing and confidence.

Here are my top tips for confidence at work:

  1. Cut out the negative self-talk. Try becoming your own best friend and use kinder, more reassuring words to and about yourself.By developing a positive mindset it will help you feel 100% more confident in yourself.

2. Focus on your own strengths not on your weaknesses, if anything needs some improvement don’t talk badly of yourself just work on it.

3. Ask for feedback, if you don’t ask for feedback you will never know how to improve and when its positive feedback just accept it and say thank you

4. Eliminate negative language – your body is always listening to you and if you are always talking to yourself in negative terms you will never feel confident.

5. Fake it till you make it, people may not agree with this one but it has always helped me out in a lot of situations. Acting like you are confident, speaking like you are confident is a sure way to start helping you feel more confident. The more you do it the easier it gets then you actually start to feel it for real !

Confidence as you get older

Our bodies change every day, none of us have the body we had 10 years ago let alone last year. Aging is part of life and it happens to us all no matter what expensive face cream we use! In order to start being confident at any age we have to accept where we are right now. Looking back and longing for the body we had in our 20’s is no good to us because we’ll never have that back . If we constantly measure ourselves against something in the past we are setting ourselves up for failure. Comparison is the thief of joy as the saying goes so whether you are comparing yourself to others or to your younger self it is not serving you . By doing this you will be chasing happiness that could be yours right now at this moment .

Here are my tips for being confident as we get older:

1. Write down all of your achievements – having done this myself I am blown away by how much I have achieved. You will be surprised when you start to really think how much stuff you have forgotten !

2. Develop and open mindset – when we have an open mindset we can start to learn new things and have new adventures. Life is for learning and you are never too old to learn.”Never stop learning because life never stops teaching”.

3. Update your image. Change up your look , change your hair or update your wardrobe this can give you an instant confidence boost.

4. Move your body. Our bodies love to move and find out how yours likes to move – is it dancing, pilates, yoga, or walking. Whatever it prefers, just keep moving.

5. Keep up the positive self talk, don’t join in when your friends start talking badly about thor bodies you steer the conversation to a more positive area.It very easy to get sucked in when others are talking but don’t let it. Stay with the positive !

6. Self care – looking after your well being inside and out will always help you feel confident and your body will thank you for it. Put yourself on top of the list.

7. Set some boundaries. This is also a form of self care. Get away from people who are draining your energy or making you feel bad. Think about the consequence of saying yes all the time.

Being confident at the beach or pool

For many this type of situation can cause a lot of anxiety. The thoughts of putting on swimwear can send people over the edge.

Again if you start to accept and be kind to your body this will be a lot easier .

  1. Buy a swimsuit that flatters your body shape.

2. Dont add any extra layers or skirts, this only adds bulk and may draw attention.

3. Remember having a beach body was made up by people in the fashion and weight loss industry to make you buy their product and feel bad about your body. Don’t let them win.

4. If you love the beach or love to swim don’t let the opinions of strangers stop you from doing what you love.

5. Remember fake it till you make it!

Having true body confidence comes from being our authentic self. When we are living as our true self everything starts to fall into place. It all starts with love and kindness towards you and your body. We only have one body in this lifetime and it’s our home so lets start loving and respecting it.

How confident are you feeling these days? Do you feel body confident? Share your thoughts in a comment below and keep the conversation going on our Instagram here.

Sarah Lyons is a body confidence and well-being coach for mums. Drawing from her own experience in motherhood she is passionate about helping mums develop a positive body image & reconnect to themselves. Get in touch through www.sarahlyonscoaching.com or www.instagram.com/themammycoach

Photo credits: Sunsetoned, Laura Tancredi,  Lisa from Pexels 

Tried and Tested: The summer edit + a massive giveaway!

Welcome to our new regular feature at 40 Now What where we hunt down and share with you some of the awesome things that have landed in our inboxes lately! In the name of you – our lovely readers – we have been busy chugging, chowing, nurturing and guinea-pigging ourselves to the max. Read on to find out what has made the cut in our recommendations to you in our summer edition of Tried and Tested. PLUS there is the chance to win over £1000 in prizes in our bumper giveaway where you can win a massive selection of the items featured in this edition.

So without further ado, come a little closer and let us tell you about this month’s shining stars because this month we have been….

Eating/drinking

Melitta epour

To say we are obsessed with Melitta’s new epour filter coffee machine is an understatement. With this sexy-looking machine on your countertop, great-tasting pour-over filter coffee has never been easier. The beauty is in the brewing process, which you will watch with an ohhhh and an ahhhhh thanks to its open filter allowing you to experience the brewing process at a touch of a button with all your senses. Extra brownie points for the pre-brew function which gives the coffee time for ideal blooming, so its full-bodied aroma can fully develop. Mmmmmmm…..coffee! The Melitta®epour® is available in two colour versions: Matt Back & GoldAND Matt Black & Chrome via melitta.co.uk RRP: £199.00

Wheyhey sugar free ice cream

This summer, we have been living our best life by devouring outrageously yummy and guilt-free tubs of Wheyhey sugar free ice cream. Packed with protein and naturally sugar free, made with the best bit of milk, from grass fed cows is a one way ticket to allowing yourself to live outrageously well without skipping on that well earned ice cream at 80 calories per 100ml serving. Because after all, life is better with ice cream! Wheyhey ice cream is available to buy in M&S, Spar and directly via Wheyhey.com across the UK starting at an RRP of £4.50.

Dietly snack boxes

Let’s face it – we all love to snack but when snacking options can start to become so blah can’t they leading to the road of all temptation. That’s why this summer we’ve been loving the snack boxes from Dietly. Choose from either Vegan or Keto boxes and be introduced to a whole world of healthy and yes – yummy! – snacking options you never knew existed be soon be so grateful to have in your life. From freeze dried fruits, to scrummy protein balls, popped cheese bites and nutritionally balanced energy bars Dietly has got you covered. Subscribe to Dietly’s monthly snack boxes for £40 a month at diet.ly.

SO PERF, Prebiotic + Probiotic Bars and Juice

We are big on gut health at 40 Now What which is why we have been chowing down on delicious superfood cold-pressed prebiotic and probiotic bars and juices from SO PERF designed to support the gut, immune system and microbiome health. Perfect for those who want to improve their gut health and reap the associated benefits but not predisposed to chowing down buckets of kimchi at every meal, the range from SO PERF is packed with superfoods, antioxidants, nutrients, fibre, protein and omega 3. Made with high quality fruits, nuts, seeds pre and probiotics which have been hand-picked to support your gut, immune system, microbiome health, brain function and energy which are both nutritious + delicious! Try a sample pack of their bars for £15.80 and juices for £17.25.

Berczy Hard Seltzers – 100% natural, low calorie low abv drinks

We know we should all be drinking more water right? So let’s make it more bearable with this fizz-tacular range of Berczy alcoholic sparking water. Still counts huh? Perfect for those dusk picnics with your tribe. With real fruit flavours of Passionfruit & Turmeric, Lemon & Lime and Peach & Raspberry. Always remember to drink responsibly. Try their taster pack for £14.95 at berczydrinks.com.

Doughlicious – gluten free ready-to-bake cookie dough

Guilt-free snacking at its best. It truly was ‘love at first bite.’ Every flavour is 100% gluten free. There are dairy-free, organic and vegan flavours too. The smell of freshly baked cookies will fill your home. You can choose to have a crispy or gooey cookie. Our favourite was the Double Chocolate Chip. What will yours be? Order now . Boxes from £3.99 at doughlicious.co.uk.

Happi Free From – Oat Milk Chocolate Bars

Having cut back on dairy to help combat eczema, you can only imagine our sheer joy at discovering these bars and we were not disappointed. Bliss is sharing a family-size choc bar with a loved one right? We can honestly agree there was no compromise on taste and we savoured every morsel. What are you waiting for? At £7 for 4 x 40g bars, check them out at happifreefrom.com.

Great British Porridge Co Instant & 100% natural

We’ve been instant porridge fans for a long time. You can add water or milk and create the perfect consistency for you and your whole family without the faff. High in fibre, no added sugar, dairy-free, gluten-free. It’s perfect hot or cold. The classic chocolate has become a breakfast staple in our house! See the range here thegreatbritishporridgeco.co.uk. Single bags start from £3.99.

The Protein Ball Co – 100% natural, bite-size protein balls 

These tiny balls of joy have got us yelling for more at 40NW HQ. High protein, gluten-free, no palm oil, no added sugar and packed with vitamins, these bad boys will get you through that afternoon slump. So many awesome combinations to choose from. We love the Peanut Butter ones soooooo much. You can pick a bag up from £1.99 direct from theproteinballco.com.

Looking after our bodies & minds

tried and tested

Dr. Vegan Supplements

If there are two things that have taken a pummeling during the pandemic, it has to be our energy levels and eyes. Sitting staring at a screen for all hours of the day and battling pandemic fatigue do not good bedfellows make. Thankfully Dr. Vegan’s Uber Energy Complete B-Complex and Screen Eyes Vision Health have been kicking us back into check on both fronts. Think naturally sourced supplements that are more absorbable, more affordable, made in the UK and not just for vegans! The perfect way to better yourself and the planet in one fell swoop. Shop the range from £6.49 at drvegan.com.

Raw Beauty Lab vegan collegen

Taking a collagen supplement when you hit 40 is a non-negotiable in our book. Why? In our forties, collagen has already been reduced signficantly and it is this that leads to wrinkles and sagging. But what if you aren’t keen on the plethora of bovine-based collagen supplements on the market because quite frankly, they can taste foul! Cue Raw Beauty Lab’s Vegan collagen which is made from skin boosting botanicals and harnesses the power of plants to protect and support beauty and wellness, with a delicious natural berry flavour which is hugely refreshing for a collagen supplement. Without a collagen after taste in site, we are converts! Available at Raw Beauty Lab at £34.95 for a month’s supply.

REDjuvenate red light therapy

If you have been battling fatigue, insomnia, pain or an injury recently then let us introduce you to the wonder that is Red Light Therapy. Harnesses the healing power of red and near infrared light, through photobiomodulation (PBM) and proven benefits for aforementioned applications, a 15 minute session at REDjuvenate Medical gave us the best night’s sleep ever (a major win for us insomniacs!) and boundless energy which felt like turning back the clock by twenty years. So how does it work? RLT targets mitochondria which are responsible for the energy generating spark plugs found in every cell. Many chronic illnesses are associated with some element of mitochondrial dysfunction, therefore, RLT is a targeted and effective treatment for many conditions. One session costs £85 (and is worth its weight in gold!). For more information on RLT and to book see redjuvenatemedical.com.

Efamol® Efalex Brain Formula Liquid

We all know the best way to get the nutrients we need is by eating a balanced and healthy diet, but if you are struggling to make sure you eat the recommended amount of oily fish, it may be worth considering taking a supplement. At a very reasonable RRP £9.99 for 150ml it’s available from efamol.com, Amazon, Boots the Chemists, health food stores and independent pharmacies. Always remember that food supplements should not be used as a substitute for a balanced diet or healthy lifestyle.

Wassen Magnesium-OK supplements

Wassen Magnesium-OK is a one-a-day nutritional supplement especially for women to help support general health and vitality throughout the monthly cycle and beyond. It contains a balanced combination of six important minerals including Magnesium which contributes to the reduction of tiredness and fatigue and normal psychological function, plus chromium which helps keep blood glucose levels normal. Magnesium OK also contains eight vitamins including Vitamin B6, which contributes to the regulation of hormonal activity. Wassen Magnesium-OK (£11.99) is available to buy from wassen.com, Amazon, Boots the Chemists, health food stores and independent pharmacies. Food supplements should not replace a balanced diet and a healthy lifestyle.

Adbra Happiness Jars

With so many of us spending more time at our screens than ever before, sometimes we need a little prompt to encourage us to step away from the daily craziness of life and be in the moment. The latest addition to our desk comes in the from of an Adbra Mindfulness Jar. Think 30 micro mindfulness challenges to inspire and relax you and help you be more at peace if only for a moment. We absolutely love dipping into our jar when we’ve hit a wall during our working day and need to hit the reset button. The jars are also available in motivation, sustainability, friendship, self-kindness themes and more. Available at adbra.co.uk for £12.50.

The Positive Day Planner

Did you know it takes 21 days to form a new habit? We have been working on our positivity muscle at 40 Now What with the help of The Positive Day Planner. The Positive Day Planner is a 21-day gratitude practicing, affirmation affirming and self-commitment measuring mind dumping essential- that allows you to create your own happiness one day at a time. It’s the perfect tool for reflecting on the good things in your life, holding yourself accountable and feeling more positive about life – no matter what curveballs it may be throwing at you. The Positive Day Planner is available in 5 different styles at £10 each from thepositivedayplanner.com.

Dragonfly and Canamis CBD oils

If you’ve previously wanted to reap the numerous health benefits of CBD oils (anxiety, pain and insomnia relief but to name a few) but have been put off by the taste in on past attempts then you will love the CBD oils from both Dragonfly and Canamis. Think flavours in peppermint, anise, orange and cinnamon which really take the otherwise usual ashray taste away that can often be offputting for people. Needless to say, we are converts! Dragonfly CBD oil is available in a range of strengths available at Boots, Tesco, Sainsbury’s and online at dragonflycbd.com from £19.95. Canamis CBD oil comes in a whole range of favours with prices from £26. You can buy direct from their website canamis.com

Royce Lingerie

You know what we have really started hating over the last year? Underwired bras! So when we discovered Royce Lingerie – purveyors of beautiful wire-free bras, we could have cried with joy. Think incredible support and comfort rolled into one, we are absolutely in love with their super sexy Zahra matching set. The rounded cups are non-padded with a removable panel at the centre front offering the option of more or less coverage and the cups are lined with cotton making them super soft. The Zahra bra is £38 at royce-lingerie.co.uk.

Beautifying with

tried and tested

Eye Amour – Bella Vida Santa Barbara

Be gone eye wrinkles and fine lines! The latest addition to our beauty routine comes Stateside in the form of Bella Vida’s Eye Amour Serum. Creamy, rich and unscented – making it also perfect for those with sensitive skin – its lush blend of organic evening primrose, soothing organic aloe, vitamin E and rich organic oils do a stella job of deeply hydrating, soothing, repair ingand renewing cells of your fragile under-eye skin while you sleep. Eye Amour is $59.99 at bellavidasb.com.

Footner Exfoliating Socks

Feeling repulsed by the dry skin accumulating on your feet? So were we, until we discovered Footner Exfoliating Socks. Good god, the amount of dry skin that comes off your skin when using these babies is nothing short of INSANE. An intensive foot mask that peels away hard and dry skin in one 60-minute application then banishes all dead skin within  7-10 days. Super easy to use with no cutting, scrubbing or pain and not a foot file in sight, our feet still feel like a baby’s bottom 4 weeks on and counting. This is the future of feet people! Footner Exfoliating Socks are available to buy at Superdrug, Boots and Amazon for £9.99.

Face Yoga

Yes you read that right – face yoga! Did you know that just a few simple face yoga exercises each day can help to combat wrinkles, sagginess and puffiness we all battle against in our 40s. Whether you pick a few facial exercises to do in the shower daily or decide to have a massive self care session and dedicated face yoga sesh, you need a copy of Danielle Collins’ Face Yoga: Firming Facial Exercises & Inspiring Tips to Glow, Inside and Out which is packed with exactly that. If you’ve never tried face yoga before then okay…you may be silly….but let’s talk again in ten years time when you will be looking younger and more radiant than everyone else and therefore definitely not silly in the slightest! Danielle Collins’ Face Yoga is available from Amazon for £9.79.

***GIVEAWAY***

Would you like to get your hands on a bounty of items featured above. We love to share, so that’s why we’ve put together a massive giveaway to win a whopping £1000 worth of prizes! Would you like to win 10 sessions of REDjuvenate light therapy, a vegan and keto Dietly box, the whole range of SO PERF Prebiotic + Probiotic Bars and Juices, a selection of Berczy low calorie, low abv seltzers, a box of Doughlicious cookies, some Happi Free From – Oat Milk Chocolate Bars, a selection of Great British Porridge Co Instants, a range of no added sugar bite-size protein balls from The Protein Ball Co, a ADBRA Happiness Jar, a Royce lingerie matching bra and knicker Zahra set, a Positive Day Planner, a stash of Dr Vegan Screen Eyes and Uber Energy, two month’s supply of Raw Beauty Lab vegan collegen, some Canamis Peppermint CBD oil, Efamol Efalex Brain Formula, a year’s supply of Wassen Magnesium-OK supplements, some Footner Exfoliating socks plus some Eye Amour eye serum and a copy of Danielle Collins’ Face Yoga?

PHEW! That is indeed a MASSIVE giveaway! and you can enter it over on our Instagram as soon as it launches.

Follow us on Instagram now to be the first to find out and enter.

The Spinster Chronicles: When first dates feel like job interviews

Are you Bumbling your way through apps and online dating? Do first dates feel just like job interviews? Our favourite spinster Jennifer Walters is back, candidly sharing her dating debacles with us.

First Dates: The Interview Process

‘I don’t like to talk to people on the phone. I barely like to talk to most people in person, but voice to voice with someone who I’ve only known as still images of him and his dog or posed candids of him scaling Mount Everest is extremely painful and accelerates my normal awkwardness toward a full blown display of embarrassment during which I forget simple English and fun facts such as how old I am.

In-person there would be, at least, wine and fake smiles to fill the inevitable conversation lulls. During a recent interview, I mean phone call, I found out that Dude is very enthusiastic about their career but also super excited about his new adventures in snow sports. He told me how much he works out and how he enjoys wine but only sociably because he doesn’t like to “overdo it or anything.” He ended the conversation abruptly because he got a call from his sister in the midst of me sharing with him how often I DON’T work out, how often I DO drink wine with ZERO dependency on whether or not I am in a social setting, and my complete lack of desire to ever do anything that involves snow.

Ghosted

He did not call me back. He did, however, send me a message on the dating app informing me our conversation was “dry” and we probably shouldn’t bother talking again. I can’t say I disagree but for some reason his acknowledgment of the obvious was quite the blow to what’s left of my already defeated ego. A mutual ghosting would have been much more polite. All part of the first dates interview process I guess.

11th February 2021

I was supposed to go on a date last night. He cancelled on me because something came up with his son, he had an appointment to show a house he forgot about, and he couldn’t figure out his password for the Higamahoo website, but hoped I’d give him another chance on another day.

I told him I understood things with kids, empathized with his inability to logon to Higamahoo.com and yes, I’d give him another chance, although he clearly might have time management issues if he booked a showing and date with me for the same time, same day.

I then realised I didn’t know his last name and should probably figure that out so I can search for a criminal record before we make plans again. I googled his phone number and found a last name that looked familiar, familiar as in New Guy has the same last name as Poop Doctor. (See previous Spinster Chronicles article)

I then googled New Guy and Poop Doctor together and found an old blog post from Poop Doctor talking about his life (which he thinks is amazing, if you don’t recall from when I told you about my date with Poop Doctor a few weeks ago), including how excited he was when his baby brother New Guy was born. I texted New Guy and asked if he had a brother that is a poop doctor. He does. I mean, come on, what are the chances?

13th April 2021

It was seven o’clock, on the dot, in my drop top – kidding – I just have that song stuck in my head, which is odd because I usually only get that song stuck in my head around midnight when I can’t sleep and should be counting sheep. Instead, I am fantasizing about meeting Usher in the Harris Teeter parking lot after hitting his expensive car with a shopping cart, our subsequent falling in love, being endlessly harassed by the paparazzi, and me eventually breaking his heart because I’m not cut out for a superstar lifestyle.

It was actually seven forty-five-ish and I was in the midsized SUV that I purchased after years and years of shaming from my sister-in-law for driving a “mum van”. I pulled up a bit nervous because MfromTinder had some questionable fashion choices in some of his profile pics. But as my friend and confidant Stacey says, “it’s a lot easier to get a man to give up a bad chef pants habit than a bad cocaine habit,” something with which we both, unfortunately, have way too much experience. So I proceeded with cautious confidence that he wouldn’t be dressed like a Culinary Arts student from my mid-1990s high school vocational training program.

MfromTinder texted me to let me know he was running late because he went to the wrong restaurant. Midway through my glass of wine, I decided I’d prefer if he didn’t show up at all because I was really enjoying my book, but alas, he arrived. It was okay, and when I say okay, I really mean it was meh.

The few funny moments were completely cancelled out by the inappropriate questions that proved he was probably too much of a jackass for my liking. He was also shorter than he said on his profile, so, yeah, ugh. When he walked me to the car he went in for a kiss. I dodged it masterfully and instead delivered the most majestic high five of my life. The crowd cheered at my agile and victorious performance. I had another date the following night, which was another first dates disappointment. I did, however, confirm that if the dude is wearing sunglasses in all his pictures, there’s a chance he is a pirate.

For the love of Tinder

I have made some new and special friends during the first dates interview process:

1. Aquaman with the dad bod, who promises he will end my streak of no second date by taking me to dinner AND drinks, in the SAME night, before he ghosts me.

2. Captain Sadness, who can’t stop telling me about how much he misses being married and can’t wait to have a new mum for his kids.

3. Mr. Toughguy, who says, “if you’re a feminist, you’re paying the check and I’m getting two appetizers.”

4. Chief Bot, who obviously is a robot using some extremely attractive man’s stolen internet headshots.

5. The Counsellor, who wants to talk way too much about my dead husband. And, of course,

6. The guy who asks if I can come over, right now, at 2am.

Swipety-swipe-swipe!’

Are you dating in your 40s at the moment? How are you finding the first dates? Leave a comment below and follow us on Instagram here where we’ll be keeping the conversation going.

The blight of bingo wings

Bingo wings. Yes we have laughed at old ladies, screaming 88 as their underarms wobble at the excitement at shouting bingo for decades! However, bingo wings are not as funny when they are happening on an arm near you.

One minute, you are minding your own slowly ageing business, as your muscles lose their tone and your skin loses its mojo…and the next, you are wondering – my God! How did those bingo wings get there?

Flappy arm muscles a-go-go

I am certain EVERYBODY over 40 ends up with bingo wings and I’m now convinced myself this is a mean side effect of being in your 4th decade along with all the other things that mother nature starts bestowing on you like saggy boobs, wrinkly tummies and fart-filled bottoms. But when did flappy arms muscle work their way into their equation?

We were only just getting used to bum wiggle, and the boob wiggle when all we are doing is merely brushing our teeth but now we have to deal with bingo arm wiggle too!

Banishing bingo arms? – bah!

But here’s the real annoyance. Not only have I discovered that no matter how furiously I inflict bingo wing exercises on my traitor arms following an army of idiots on You Tube who tell me THIS WILL BANISH YOUR BINGO WINGS FOREVER (yeah right!) that not only is there extreme wobbly business happening, but my underarm skin now has an incredible propensity to stretch way beyond what should be physically normal – akin to the sort of thing you’d find only on a trending TikTok effect.

Time to embrace?

The thing is, I know that bingo wings are just another part of my body, still, the double chubble makes me feel uneasy at their sight. The little voice in my head which subscribes to the body confidence movement says, embrace them! Why not let your bingo wings take flight and let them carry you through the window towards the dazzling light of your 4th decade?!

Or perhaps we can try another tactic which is: if 40 is the new 30, then denial is the new acceptance?

Body faciasm at its best

But the truth comes down to this: There no end to the physical mockery we keep being dealt in this game of weird body changes. And as much as I desperately want to reject the tyranny of bingo wings and raise my arms high and proud like a raver in the place then stick two fingers in the face of perfectionism, somehow my inner dialogue is cruelly supporting this body-fascism. I didn’t sign up for it, it’s just the way my monkey mind has been conditioned which tells me my bingo wings flapping in the sun is not a good look.

Ultimately, deep down I live in fear of the next part of my body misbehaving which it undeniably will do, and that it is secretly – or not so secretly – signifying the beginning of the end.

Do you suffer from bingo wings? Have they got worse since you hit 40? And please, does anyone know a way of getting rid of them that doesn’t involve frantically pumping your poor arms up and down a thousand times a day (sounds like a recipe for RSI if ever I heard one if you ask me!) which quite frankly nobody has the time for anyway.

Photo by Trevin Rudy on Unsplash, Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash, Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels